Saturday, July 19, 2014

DA DOCKTER IZ ZIN!

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I hate going to doctor’s appointments. I usually wait and sometimes the wait takes a long time. But the wait is not as bad as is the personalities of some of these guys.

Dr. Strangeglove
Now my GP, Dr. Strangeglove, has the personality of a bi-polar political grouch. Yes, he seethes over the latest Liberal policies and if I say the word ‘Lawyer’ he goes into a rant, a rave and insurance companies have no place in civilized society. They should all be rounded up and shot, preferably with one bullet! (He’s fiscally responsible too.) A visit does not go by without some statement of despair about the direction this country is heading. He has a beautiful black Mercedes-Benz parked on the grounds and threatens to close his practice because all the culprits will soon put him out of business.

Then there is Dr. Haveaheart, my cardiologist. He is another breed of doctor, replacing an old-timer who retired from old age. The good doctor has a very modern approach to taking care of my heart, conducting his examination with a question and answer period dedicated to extracting guilt, and family history out of me. For instance:

Dr. Haveaneart
“Do you exercise?”
“Yes, caution.”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“Do you have a history of heart disease running in your family?”
“Yes, my father was always helping people and I did most of the work.”

Finally there is Dr. Seemore, my eye doctor. He owns some fancy title as an ambassador to some board or what not. He wears a grayish blue suit all day with the jacket on, is a specialist in diabetic matters and eyesight. He once suggested to me that if anyone was to offer me anything over the holidays, to refuse it saying I am a diabetic and can’t eat it. Obviously, he’s never seen me eat.

Dr. Seemore
Today I visit Dr. Seemore. His assistants will do all these preliminary tests: he will come in, jacket on, tie in place, and sit at the small desk and read my file, ask me questions and comment on how I’m doing. He always asks the same question: “What is your A1C number?” I will lie, since I don’t know it, and praises me for doing so well, and off I go to eat something. This has been going on for years. I make sure to always give him an occasional near border line number to avoid suspicion.





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