SICKO!

Every time I fly out to Burbank, Ca., I come down with a repertory ailment. It starts as a little dryness in the sinus and soon I have deep chest congestion. The mucus is so thick that it is a very dark shade of grey and difficult to bring up. My body becomes wracked with pain after a while as I struggle to bring the stuff up and expectorate.

The usual modes operand is to finally give up and called the doctor. This comes after all this trouble and the warning from TLW (The Little Woman) that I should.

“Hello, Doctor’s Office.”

“Hi, I a patient of Dr. Whackamole and I need to see him immediately, if not sooner!”

“What seems to be the trouble?”

“Every time I fly out to Burbank, Ca., I come down with a repertory ailment. It starts as a little dryness in the sinus and soon I have deep chest congestion. The mucus is so thick that it is a very dark shade of grey and difficult to bring up. I body becomes wracked with pain after a while as I struggle to bring the stuff up and expectorate.”

“How long have you had it?”

“A week-and-a-half.”

“Oh, my, you should have come in sooner! Do you know how dangerous that is to let it go so long?

“Well, I was away in California for the past two weeks.”

“Oh, you have to start taking better care of yourself!”

Swallowing in the guilt I ask:

 Is there any way I can see Doctor Whackamole today?”

“Oh noooo, he’s booked solid, and besides, he’s not in today.”

????

“Okay, how about Dr. Nestegg, is he available today?”

“Noooo, Doctor Nessegg is booked solid today and there is nothing for tomorrow, absolutely nothing.” (He probably doesn’t want to catch anything.)

“Okay, I go to a walk-in clinic.”

“Yes, good idea, give it to them. Sorry, feel better!”

So I enter the Slum City Medical Walk-in and immediately am taken in by the orderliness and friendliness of the place. The receptionist squints as she sizes me up and down and I state my case, believing that this place will be my only hope of salvation and physical rejuvenation and good health.

“Have you ever been here before?” she asks out of concern, curiosity or record keeping.

“I don’t think so.”

She immediately takes me to a higher plane of awareness as she tells me to go to the I-pad and sign in,

Coming around from the receptionist desk she assists me, asking for my insurance and license gets all my info and tells me to sit down someone will be right with me. Being a married man I do as I’m told, and within minutes a young nurse comes out and calls me a Joseph, which I happen to be and so no offense is taken. She leads me to the examining room and once again I am told what to do and I do it because of the same reasons.

Asking me questions she comes to my parents. I wonder why since Dad is gone since 1991 and Mom, since 2014.

“Did either of your parents have high blood pressure?”

“Hmmm… I think, my Mom had it if I’m not mistaken, said I gave it to her!”

“The doctor will be with you shortly” and she leaves me alone.

The seven most evil words are thus spoken: “The doctor will be with you shortly”

Alone I read all the charts on the wall, the beauty of a walk-in clinic and a few ‘DID YOU KNOW?’ posters. I check all the equipment and wonder what each thing does. I wait and wait some more, then getting disgusted I decide to wait. Then it dawns on me from experience that the best way to get the doctor to see you immediately in the waiting room is to touch something, maybe play with the blood-pressure toys or even open some drawers. As I am about to do so, she walks in, and nice, kind, over a six-foot doctor, beautiful and filled with questions. At this point, I only had a respiratory ailment but was willing to look for more!

“What have you been taken so far for your condition?”

“About two boxes of Kleenex and some Mucinex every hour.”

Continue doing what are and wipe your chin. I will prescribe some medication for you to take. Hope you feel better.”

And so my dear friends, life is over. No more Joeseph, no more Delbloggolo, and no more coughing. CIAO!