I DISCOVER

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EXCELSIOR!

Being an old geezer now, there are things that are becoming more complicated for me as I progress through the age of electronic gadgetry. When TLW (The Little Woman) introduced me to the latest cell phone or android as they call it, there are things I don’t know about or care to investigate. Even the latest is not always the latest because the next day there is a new version, as it is in my case.

Recently while in Myrtle Beach S.C., I decided to go for a cup of coffee one morning and asked TLW if she would join me. Getting our coffee we decided to sit in the beautiful lounge area of the hotel and there on the wall was this large screen TV. On the hotel channel was this infomercial about the use of apps and the ability to read these strange codes that are now appearing in newspapers, magazines and on TV, you know them as the square little boxes. (See photo)

I hate my cell phone, and it hates me, and there is no two ways about it. It refuses to stay off, when I do have it on and it rings, I have to struggle with it as I try answer the darned thing, swiping my finger over it and usually missing the swipe as it rings even more alarmingly. I try to keep calm but I STILL MISS CALLS! Then of course it rings at the most inopportune times, on the road where it is buried under my coat and the damned seatbelt!

Anyway, back to the little box. The lady on the infomercial began to give us a detailed instruction on what the box means and does, something I didn’t care about, but wondered what it meant. I mean you are talking to someone who just recently found out what Blackberry is or what the difference between an android and my behind is. Suddenly there was a whole new world opened to me! I learned what it means and how to use it and now look for the box, just to try out the app. If you have one tattooed on your behind, I will read it with my ‘smart phone’. Huh, pretty good: I just used the word ‘smart phone’! There is no stopping me. I now am getting rid of all those stupid scanner chips on my keychain, because they are in my phone. Why, even my library card is on the phone.

I will NEVER be as good as some of these kids with the texting. The other day I was watching this kid whip out his cell phone and then, WITH HIS THUMBS, text out a message in nothing flat, to my amazement, that looked as long as a Sunday Times article! If I just try to type ‘Hi’, I will need my index finger, I have to take off my glasses and squint and really concentrate, then correct one or two typos, and Not use the wrong button for send! This kid used two thumbs!

Good God, is it not great in America? I am cutting edge. (Almost)