LESSONS I LEARNED

Always Remember This: 

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, 

You grow old because you stop laughing!

If there is one lesson in life I learned from Mom it is that laughter is the best medicine, it is the alternative to unhappiness that we are all too eager to embrace sometimes.

For instance, growing up we had everything but money, but that was all we needed. The walls that surrounded us were full of laughter, and when you laugh hard enough, you don’t know you are poor. If I put too much butter on my bread, mom would say: “Don’t use a whole pound of butter!” Me: “Don’t worry Ma I can’t, the other ¾’s of a pound is still frozen!”

Dad had this thing about the lights. If I sat in the dark reading, he would yell: “Put the light on, you’ll go blind!” If the lights were on: “Close all these lights, what am I made of money?” Mom on the other hand preferred I keep the lights off not to remind herself I was home, and when they were on would say: “What am I related to the light company?” I’m sorry, but when they said those things I laughed.

We used to have a rotary wall phone in the kitchen, and Tessie my older sister (much older) would use it constantly talking to her friends. In those days you paid for the phone by the minute, which became a sore point to dad and his budget. So one day he put this lock on the phone, right on the dial, but was supposed to put the lock on the ‘0’ and instead put it on the ‘1’ where it moved with the dial as you dialed. Not realizing his mistake, he would take out his key and unlock it, make his call and replace the lock when he was done. We discovered his mistake immediately and dialed away to our hearts content. It took him a few weeks to discover his mistake when one of my little sisters made a call.

Dad was skittish about certain things. Coming from an Italian family, he never really ate mashed potatoes when he was single. Mom made them and one day he told her that he didn’t like milk in his mashed potatoes! Mom did, and so did her kids, and so did dad, he just didn’t know it. She continued to make mashed potatoes with milk, and dad would taste them and say: “Is there milk in these?” Mom would reply: “No, there’s no milk in them, why would you even ask!” and we would be laughing inside.

One day Dad decided to make another announcement. Getting up one morning, he washed, shaved and had breakfast. Mom was making our school lunches and the fare was peanut butter and jelly. Dad looking over mom’s shoulder says: “How can you eat that!” Mom reminded him that we liked peanut butter and it was cheaper that cold cuts. “Well you’ll never get me to eat it!” So what happens? One night, I’m sitting at the kitchen table snacking on these crackers that sandwich peanut butter, While doing a portrait on a piece of paper. Dad is watching me and lending his expertise to the project, all the while helping himself to my peanut butter crackers. I’m watching him but not saying a word. Suddenly it dawns on me that mom puts milk in his mashed potatoes for the same reason he is eating my peanut butter snack! Mom knew him like the back of her hand!

Tricks were a big part of life in my family. My little sister once got a doll that echoed and repeated everything you said. She is talking to it and suddenly I get a plan in my head. My dad is coming for dinner after work and I take the mechanism out of the doll and tape it under his chair where he will sit for dinner. Dad sits down without saying a word, and suddenly asks for the salt, the mechanism kicks in and he jumps sky high! WE are all on the floor laughing our fool heads off and he is watching with this silly grin on his face.

Of course my favorite trick was at a family picnic in the backyard. It is a hot summer day and dad is a little exhausted running around and giving me orders on what needs to be done on mom’s ‘get me’ list. There in the sun is a lounge chair, and next to it is the garden hose, sitting in the hot sun. A solar powered light bulb goes on in my empty head and I decide to have some fun at dad’s expense. He lies down in the lounge chair, headway back and eyes closed with one arm over his eyes to shield the light from the hot sun. I take the nozzle head from the sun soaked garden hose and gentle place it in his pocket opening. I turn the water on to a trickle and the hot water of the hose starts to trickle into his pocket. Suddenly he jumps up and as he does, the hose falls away, and that thinks he’s having an accident and jumps to a standup position and runs to the bathroom. We laughed for days after that one and he laughed with us.

Dad had his moments too, as one night I am lying on the floor watching a horror movie, solidly into it and ready to jump out of my skin. Dad is watching on the couch behind me. Just as it is getting as tense as you could get a movie, he sticks his hand in my face yelling: “BOO!!!”

There are other stories that happened and someday I will tell those too. Meanwhile, keep smiling and have a good laugh or two and call me in the morning.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND AND JEWISH BROTHER PHIL!