THE TAX MAN CALLS!

Again with the coconut monkey?

About three years ago I wrote about the coconut monkey, an adornment for my accountant that sat on his desk since I started using him as a pup in the business world about 40 years ago. The monkey died about six years ago, but fortunately, my accountant, Ron Goldstein still lives. http://delbloggolo.blogspot.com/search?q=ron

But the tradition is that every year TLW (The Little Woman) makes out the questionnaire and sends it to Ron who does our taxes, we sign and mail it in to the IRS. Ron is very astute when it comes to the tax laws and we listen. An honest man who is also vigilant in that he sees to it that we claim what we should. If you need a really good tax man, call or write to me and I will give you his number.

Every year around this time he calls, and sure as I am typing this, he has questions that I can’t answer, and sure as you are reading this, TLW is not home.

I was presiding over two soon to be Belgium pork chops, when the phone rang. The caller ID tells me it is Ron Goldstein, taxman and former owner of the coconut monkey. (see link.)

As I reach for the phone, I debate with myself: do I really want to answer it this time? I never know what is going on, I trust TLW, she is very capable, and I look like a dummy.  But what if it is going to cost me money if I don’t answer? What if we overlooked some huge tax deduction that would save me writing a check to the IRS?

In a deep and somber voice, I answer the phone, trembling and sweaty palms, one with a death grip around the receiver:

“HELLo Ron Goldstein” All of a sudden there is an inordinate amount of guffawing and laughter on the other end of the line.

“Why do people always do that when I phone? Sounds worst than if they were going for root canal or being tortured?”

“It is Ron.”

He gives me the bad news first and then hope for salvation. This is the second Jew I’ve heard from who can work wonders, perform miracles and save my worthless ass. We discuss three areas of concern and I give him my standard reply, as if I know what is going on…

“Well Ron, TLW isn’t home right now, I’ll have to confer with her and get back to you on all three questions.”

Some things never change.