THE SISTINE CHAPEL (The real story)

Everyone has heard of the Sistine Chapel, because of the marvels of the work of Michelangelo Buonarroti Simoni, and the ceiling he painted there. But did you ever wonder who did the floors? Well due to a recent discovery by the Vatican of old manuscripts that date back to around 1512, we now know! What is so amazing about this discovery is that the guy who did the floors was non-other than one of my great ancestors. Yes, that’s right. His name was Michelangelo Del Broccolo, and he along with his son Giuseppe, laid the whole floor one weekend in July, when the kid had off from school. The documents found were translated from the Italian to English by a group of Monks. The head Monk, the Monk Key, was at first reluctant to release them, but then relented when he was threatened with a visit from Hillary Clinton. In it they found a transcript of the conversation between Pope Julius and Michelangelo Del Broccolo that was transcribe by the Vatican secretary who was present, and who later paid the bill. I goes something like this:

Il Popa: “Buon Giorno Senor Della Broccolo!”

Michelangelo: “No, that’s DEL Broccolo, buta my friends a calla me Tony”

Il Popa: “Oops, sorry. Listen, I’ma calling a you here to discussa the Cappella Sistina, I’ma needa some a worka done on the floors. Asa you know, we just finished the ceilings, and thought that it would be a good idea to doer the floorza too.”

Michelangelo: “Wella, the ceiling looksa beautiful. Who’sa the artista?”

Il Popa: “Hoh, soma guy froma Caprese, outsidea of a Fiorenze. You knowa hima-hisa name is Michelangelo Buonarroti Simoni. Ehhh!-it tooka him a so long, I tella him “Eh-a when a you gonna finish hup? I gotta mid-night mass ina few monthsa, urry uppa.”

Michelangelo: “Ah-Michelangelo! I’ma knowa him from a High Sckoola, he’s a ona my soccer team. Hee hee, we usza to calla him Moses, he stilla hasza that beard? Well no worry a Sante Popa, I’ma done by Monday at the latest. Bada binga, bada banga, I’ma done ina notime”

3-Days Later:

Il Popa: “Tony, Tony, Tony! I’ma so appy you doer sucha nicer job, I wanna cry. Tella you what-letsa have a some pizza, we discussa the price anda my planzsa to open la cappella to tourism, just to see the floors, si?”

Michelangelo: “Si, itsa shamea they gotta walka on them!”