COLLAPSIBLE WEBSITES

It’s early morning, I’m sitting in my chair reading my morning newspaper, and TLW (The Little Woman) is happily on her laptop. The news isn’t good, and the sports pages even worse. I lock into a paragraph of importance to a story when: “Joe, the computer is asking me if I want to open this document with a newer version of Crash, a Crash 1.1. Do I download it? How do I download it? What is ‘download’?

Sometimes I get: “I was filling out this application for the poor house, and another document popped up, now I can’t find the original document. How do I find it?”

Or even: “Joe, I’m trying to open this attachment from Maureen, and the computer says I need Freeze Up 2.4 to open it. How do I get Freeze Up 2.4?”

All inquiries are legitimate. Each time I read the same paragraph almost through, and know the first few words by heart! This morning daily occurrence is my exercise period. What I do is place the newspaper down, and without holding on to the armrest, trying to stand from a deep chair that is a rocker. The idea being to put great stress on my body as I try to get up, while falling backwards and defying gravity. The hope is to eventually pass out, and discontinue the exercise period while getting a good day’s sleep in. Usually, I make it and travel to the kitchen table, where my bride awaits.

Modern electronics have been a major point of worry all our married lives. It started with the VCR and the electronic games for #1 Son. TIVO, DVD’s and cable boxes that demanded I own a closet filled with different remote controls soon followed electronic games. We have two entertainment systems that defy either one of us working them properly. We have purchased more ‘Universal’ remotes than we need, none of which really work on all the devices it is suppose to support.

There have been Sundays when I worked, and we would buy a piece of electronics, and the living room would be strewn with wires, cables and large instruction papers. Often, off TLW would go to Radio Shack to find a consultant. Usually under the age of drinking legally, they give her a diagram that then causes me to bring in my own consultant, Mr. Jack Daniels!

Cell phones are not any better! TLW can call out and never answers her cell phone. I asked her if she knew she could do the various things the phone offers, but she is still not sure she opened the computer! I, on the other hand, although I have tried to learn them, know they can be done, just not by me!

I see people with IPODS, Blackberries, (Freshly bought!) and other gizmos that I never needed, but wonder how I am surviving in this modern electronic age! Come to think of it, I’m not sure I can even set my alarm clock properly, anymore!

I guess time is running out on me!

Please remember all those that need our hopes and prayers, including my brother-in-law, John.