“YOHOO, I AM CALLING YOHOO!”

The other day, I was busy making dinner. Laying out the ingredients for chicken with escarole and mushrooms, and wondering why I like routines so much when my daydreaming was intruded upon.

The phone rang and I answered.

Me: “Yellow?”

“Hi!”

Me: “Hi?”

“It’s me! Are you ready for tonight?”

Me: “I guess so!”

“Same time, usual place?”

“Sure, but WHO is this?”

“Me, Virginia! Are we meeting at the same place and time tonight?”

Me: “Virginia WHO, and WHAT place is that?”

“Is this 000-0000?”

Me: “Yes it is.”

“Well, if you don’t KNOW what place, it doesn’t matter who, anymore!”

Here I am, sitting in a bunch of escarole, trying to figure out who that was on the phone, and if maybe I’m losing it and forgot, I’m having an affair! I can’t remember feeling guilty, so it must be a mistake on the other end.

I usually don’t get calls from strange women, just strange calls from women. Usually TLW (The Little Woman), or Tessie my older sister (A lot older, by the way), and yes, even Mom can do a number on the phone.

When TLW calls from work, it is usually a real nail biter, as I await her request or instruction to do something.

Many years ago, when I was working in Manhattan, she called me at my office with a request.

TLW: “Could you pick up a book for me, I think it’s called ‘Live It.’ By Richard Simmons?”

So, I go all over the city of New York, stopping at every bookstore and shop and ask for ‘Live It’. After saying it enough times you start to sound like a frog. “Livit, livit, livit.” People would hear me and start to feed me flies! The book she meant was “Never Say Diet.” Livit, Never Say Diet, you can see how she mi9ght get them mixed up!

There was a man on his deathbed. His wife, sitting next to him, with tear filled eyes leaned in to listen to his last words.

Him: “Remember when we were first married, and we crashed the car?”

“Yes” she nodded, wiping a tear away.

Him: “And remember when we were married just ten years, and the house caught on fire?”

Again, shaking her head vigorously, while remembering, and trying to be brave, she nodded “Yes!”

Him: “And remember that time last year, when you lost all my money in the stock market through your brother Malcome?”

Again on the verge of tears, and ready to break down she said: “Ye… yes!”

Him: “Boy, were you BAD luck!”

Please remember all those that need our hopes and prayers, including my brother-in-law, John.