THE GREENING OF AMERICA

In the papers the other morning, there was an article about greening funerals. No concrete vaults or traditional caskets would be used, but wicker would be the way to ‘go’. They say (The article) that wicker caskets are the most environmental friendly way to depart.

All that got me thinking about my leaving this earth, and what I want.

Here goes:

I want first-of-all to be placed in an airline seat, not your usual casket. Secondly, at my feet would be enough clothes for a month, packed in a suitcase or two. This would be significant of my hopes of going ‘up’. The clothes would of course be shorts, and t-shirts for warm weather. A vacation, if you will. Thirdly, I want to have the airline seat placed on a carousel, that turns slowly, with a little mechanical hand that waves bye-bye. The carousel would be placed in the middle of the room, surrounded by chairs in a semi-circle. To make it fun for the two or three people that do show up, (the undertaker and maybe TLW [The Little Woman], a small bag of unsalted popcorn, (High blood pressure) that they can try to flip each piece into my lap as I turn to face them after each turn of the carousel.

Of course, I know that what I want is not what I’ll get. Being how I am already dead, but forgot to lay down, I will probably be in an old cardboard box, marked; THIS END UP!
In all likelihood, instead of an airline seat, I will be on an elevator with the “down” button pushed in. The clothing would remain the same, since where I’m going I should dress lightly as possible. I think the popcorn idea will stay, with #’s 1 and 2 Sons leading the way, tossing popcorn on my bald spot. As for TLW, she will be at home, throwing out all my stuff, finally. (I’m a pack rat.)

So either way, there will be a champagne celebration at the house, immediately upon release of the news: “Finally!”