“JOE, I NEED YOUR HELP.”

These words strike fear in my heart! They are never taken lightly and I always weight suicide first as an option.

It is a Sunday afternoon, and I am watching a football game, and it is a nice easy-going afternoon. Leisurely I peruse through the Sunday papers, one eye on the TV and one eye on the newspaper, thinking about dinner and of course a cocktail. The sunlight filters through the curtains and pours through the skylight, embracing me with warm contentment and a need to be happy fulfills my heart. Life seems so good. Then, suddenly, out of the blue comes…

“Joe, I need your help.”

I look down from where the noise is coming from, and notice that TLW (The Little Woman) is on the floor. I know she hasn’t been drinking, and her color looks good, and then I notice she is surrounded in curtains!

Cautiously I respond with great forethought…

“What?”

“I need you to help me pleat this curtain.”

“Huh?”

“You get on one end and fold this over like so, about three inches and then you fold back, then forward and then back again, until we are done.”

“Huh?”

I go down on the floor to one end of the curtain while she is at the other end. The material is very flimsy, kind of like tissue: “I can’t pleat this!” I plead.

“Just take your time and try.”

I start to cry, tears are staining the cloth and blurring the pleats: “Oh God, rescue me. I promise to pay more attention when I hear a sermon from a priest or TLW” I pray.

After we get one side done, TLW makes an announcement.

“Now we will do the other side! Hmmm… I wonder if I lay it on the iron board, I can get it done myself?” she says.

I quote her verbatim: “Just take your time and try.”

Suddenly the sun is shinning brighter; joy is restored to my heart and ease to my aching back, Oh hallelujah!

Now I have to make good on a promise to God! You can’t renege on the Big Guy, no way! I think starting next Sunday, the days will be a lot longer!