OK SMARTY PANTS

There is one thing I hate and that is smugness, unless of course, I’m doing the smugging. It seems that when I’m smug, it is hard to NOT act it and be humble. I have to look the other way; act bored and not notice that I was right, and go on with life for the person who is wrong. They know you know and they know you know what they are thinking.

Then there are those rare times every day of the week when I might be wrong. Hard to believe that it is, yes, I can be wrong somehow. 

I get up one morning, and find TLW (The Little Woman) kneeling behind the TV uncrossing and recrossing wires. I don’t dare ask since I haven’t had my coffee yet. It is better to not look up in the early part of the day for fear of a “We” project that costs me my ability to live free.

Finally, the impulse DOES take over and I ask…

“What are you doing?”

“I think I know why the screen looks like Russell’s Tour & Event Planning teal, there is a wire that is unconnected.” To add to my humiliation of not connecting it to begin with, she instructs… “Tell me if the color is better.”

Bitterly I acknowledge that the TV does look better now. She says nothing, not even: “You big dummy, stay away from these damned wires or the next time, I’ll wire you!”

To think that once in my life, I redid my kitchen, bathroom and living room in my old house. I did the wiring for some of it, the plumbing and all the carpentry and floors. Now I can’t reconnect the TV to the cable, VCR, and two HD devices because the wires look like an intricate map of the Long Island Railroad switching yard.

TLW finally finishes, and stands, looking at me but not saying anything. I take the high road and slink behind the newspaper.

Now you may be wondering why I tell you these things, or even admit to them.

Old age has taught me that I don’t care anymore. Soon there will be a point in time when I will leave MY cart in the middle of the supermarket aisle, so no one will be able to get by, soon I will drive at 20 mph, with my left blinker on for the whole trip, soon I will lean to one side or the other to get one off and add to air pollution. In other words, I am writing so it will be a public service to all the younger men that plan on getting married in the near future.