Well the time came for me to see my eye specialist, Dr.
Seemore. Dr. Seemore is a strange bird, wears the same suit, a dark powdered
blue suit with dark tie that he wears all day long, strutting and looking
important. He is a pain in my butt, and has been since 2007.
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| Dr. Seemore |
Dr. Seemore specializes in diabetes and is a stickler for
numbers and following rules. Every time I come out of his office, I get an
earful of what I should do.
Dr. Strangeglove, my regular doctor sent me to Dr. Seemore
on a referral from him. In all the years I’ve been going to Seemore he hasn’t
changed. Strangeglove doesn’t tell me anything unless I ask. Seemore asks and I
don’t know. Once I told Seemore the truth and that was the end of it, never
again, I got this lecture that went on for 30 minutes.
But if you lie to him: his lectures are not that long.
“What’s you A1C number?” says Seemore.
“6.3”
“Very good! You seem to be doing everything right. But doing
everything right doesn’t guarantee success. You know the holidays are coming,
which means you have to be careful. If someone tries to give you food, you
should say: “No thank you, I’m a diabetic!” The diabetes will kill you, see you
in nine months, have happy holidays.”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic”? I’m going to say that? Me?
With food?!
I can just picture it now:
Tess, my older sister (much older) will say: “Hey, fat head,
have some more shrimp!”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic!”
“Oh, come on, don’t be such a jerk!”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic!”
“How about some lobster and spaghetti?”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic!”
“How about some nice cannoli?”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic!”
“How about I go upside your head with the pasta pot?”
“No thank you, I’m a diabetic!”
You can substitute turkey for lobster and spaghetti and
follow up with a turkey roasting pan upside my head.
Dr. Sunshine Seemore has no bedside manner: in fact he wants
me to have no tableside manners! If you want to kill my holiday, say there is
nothing to eat.
My suspicion is Dr. Seemore is not married, hates Italians
who like to eat, and women will have no part of him. Little children wear a
replica of his face for Halloween, and he put his mother in a home.
Honest.
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