Friday the 13th fell on a Wednesday this month,
as I am about to tell you.
It seems that the day dawned grey and rainy, torrential
comes to mind. Yes, the world was preparing for the great flood and no one told
me, along with the fact that I thought TLW (The Little Woman) was pregnant.
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| Kill me... NOW! |
It all started out innocently enough, looking out the window
as I arose from my slumber from the evening before. The rain was driving across
the street and down toward the end of the block, making more noise than a jack
hammer. As I dressed, the pounding force of the rain and wind made me think:
“Gee, I’m glad I don’t have anywhere to go this morning!”
Not being the cautious type, I made my way down to the
kitchen for that first cup of coffee and sat down, near where TLW sits with her
morning coffee.
Not being bright enough to keep silent I say:
“Wow, listen to that rain!”
Her: “Yes!”
“It’s really coming down!” (No kidding you damned fool.)
Her: “You know, I feel hungry for some strange reason.”
I stare at her.
(Don’t look you damned fool, that’s even worse!)
Her: Why don’t YOU go out and get us some breakfast
sandwiches?”
I could think of at least one reason not to, but I learned
long ago to answer her when in disagreement with a curt silence. This is good
because she doesn’t Know it’s curt and I then don’t get into trouble. But I am
the master of my house, ruler of the realm I give her a firm but definite
answer: “Yes Dear.” (A cowardly SOB if ever there was one!)
I get my rain hat and take myself to the front door. It is
ugly out there, I question the wisdom of my obedience for the sake of silence.
A wise man once said something about this I’m sure, it is just that I can’t
recall it.
Determined I step out from under the portico and advance toward
the car, when suddenly I am pelted with Caspian Sea sized raindrops, slapping
me around and soaking through my clothes! Reaching the car I sigh and drive
off, tooling away at 25 mph, when suddenly: the whole world in shrouded in
water, cascading down upon my v-hick-el where I immediately test my brakes
while preparing for a drowning death! My brakes work so I stop for a red light.
I get to the store, and swim to the front entrance, and climb inside where the
owner is telling me she was just draining out her flooded back room! “Oh! Too
bad, I’ll have a fried egg on buttered roll with bacon and cheese and a
scrambled on a buttered roll with sausage and cheese.” I said it to her very
sympathetically like, and hope she took it the same way.
Driving home with the sandwiches, I start to wonder if this
another pregnancy I am dealing with? Getting home, I walk into the house and an
greeted by TLW.
“Are you pregnant?”
Her: “No, why?”
“Because only a pregnant woman sends her husband out on a
morning like this!
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