WHEN PINCH COMES TO SHOP

Once a week TLW (The Little Woman) hands me the order of the day for Saturday, and instructs me to select recipes for the week so she can purchase what is needed.

This week I went through the cookbook, selecting three recipes that I think are interesting and had some fun in the choosing. One of the recipes called for a round steak made in a Chinese mix of ingredients. I composed the list, after checking whatever I wasn’t sure we had, to make sure we really needed it and presented the list to Il Duce.

Hunching my back and gritting my teeth, a normal stance for a husband of 36 years, I awaited the chief’s declaration. It is the hardest job as a husband when TLW any TLW begins to review the poor bastards selection, and he must defend himself.

TLW: “Don’t we have onions?”
The Sniveling Ghost of A Man, Me: (TSGAM, M), Not enough.
TLW: “You need Chile sauce?”
TSGAM, M: “Yup, I just checked the refrigerator, we need it!”
TLW: “I know I bought Low Sodium Soy Sauce just recently!”
TSGAM, M: “We ran out of it.” (As I get up to show her the empty bottle)
TLW: “Let ME check.” After 36 years I am declared “legally blind.” What is this item “Shampoo”?
TSGAM, M: “Yea, we ran out of shampoo.”
TLW: “For who?”
TSGAM, M: “Me?”
TLW: “YOU don’t have any! What kind?”
TSGAM, M: “You know for me. What do you use, I’m not using any sissy stuff.”
TLW: I use hand soap when I’m out of shampoo. Just a pinch.”
TSGAM, M: Look, I’ll give you a pinch latter, just get me the shampoo.”
TLW: “Where is the cap for the pen?” as she edits a new list of items.
TSGAM, M: “I don’t know, I capped it when I returned the pen to you.”
TLW: “Oh, it’s never your fault.”
TSGAM, M: “See if they have arsenic in stock, will ya?”