FAMILY SECRETS

Every family has some secret that they buried. We work very hard not to reveal it, and sometimes we try our darned to deny it when it is discovered. Take TLW (The Little Woman), here family for years hid the fact from me that they were not well off! For years I looked forward to a big dowery, one that could afford me to retire in the style I deserve, but lo and behold (What does that mean?) I got screwed! I remember when it all began. I was walking down this side street off of Union Avenue in East Islip, going toward Montauk Highway, looking for a garage to purchase some gas. Running out of gas is inconvenient, and I was very upset. Suddenly, this little Irishman stuck his head out his front door.

LIMSHHOHFD: (Little Irishman Sticking His Head Out His Front Door): Psssst! You there: laddie.

“Me?”

LIMSHHOHFD: “You be thinking I’m talking to meself?”

“Well, I…”

LIMSHHOHFD: “You know the man that marries me daughter, Ellen Kathleen, or whatever, gets a real prize!”

“Really, can I see it?”

Of course it was just hard sell.

Well, it turns out I have a twin sister, Josephine. Josephine is not the dating kind: God knows we tried to get her to. Dad would never let my other sisters meet her because they would be jealous of her looks. Josephine was saving herself for Mr. Right, so she still waits. At 65 years of age, I try to get her to come out of her shell and date, but rightfully so, she fears a large stampede of both married and unmarried men in her direction, and you can plainly see why.

Where this is going I don’t know, but I did think you would like to know I have a twin sister. Unmarried and still available! Whatever.