ORAL VENICE

Or, say AHHHHH.

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too
And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do
He said that ....

Root canal was the order of the day. As I entered the dentist office, the young assistant led me to the execution block and asked: “What are you here for today?”

“Oh, today is root canal day!” I said rather timidly. “My mouth will look like Venice when the doctor is done, all those canals… bad joke, huh?”

“But at least it’s a joke.”

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang...
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang

Can’t get shot down better than that.

The doctor entered and looks at my chart.

“Wow!!! Two years ago almost to the day since we last saw you!”

The dentist and I are the only ones in the room. I know I’ve seen me a few times since then.

I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice
And then the witch doctor, he game me this advice
He said to ...

“Well, today is root canal day, Joseph.”

I hate it when we are on a first name basis, and I’M getting all the pain.

“Been writing blogs about me I bet.”

“Nah, that would be suicidal, besides, I want to come more often.”

Now, you've been keeping love from me
Just like you were a miser
And I'll admit I wasn't very smart
So I went out and found myself
A guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart

“Say ‘AH’, we are going to put a contraption in your mouth you never saw before. Keep your eyes closed so nothing flies in your eyes! There will be a lot of vibration, but after 25 needles of pain killer that I just gave you, you should only feel vibrations!”

Being a married man, I rarely get a chance to open my mouth for long, and when I do, my foot usually seems to find its way in there, but I was really getting tired of this thing in my mouth, and keeping it open for 25 minutes, which seemed like an eternity.

There is always the swallowing issue, the issue of the drill when it smokes and I can smell it, and of course, the sticking of the needle in the gums, that somehow requires the good doctor to give it a lot of elbow AND hip action!

My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to say
My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you
Oh, Baby ....

Finally, the ordeal is over!

“That’s it! You’re done Joseph!’

Before it was “We”, now it is “You”!

That is because “You” will now get the bill for the procedure. It’s like pulling teeth!