TROUBLE IN BED

TLW (The Little Woman) and I are having problems in bed! Yes, that’s right: problems in bed!

It seems that she claims I hog all the blankets, complaining that when she gets up in the morning, the blankets are all on my side. I know for a fact that the opposite is indeed true. Every morning I wake up with a frozen tush, ice forming around my toes, and enough shaking to dance to Jerry E. Lewis.

But accusations can come fast and cheap, you sometimes need to witness the truths you claim. My day has come!

Soundly asleep, I was suddenly awakened in the dark of night, by what I thought at first was an earthquake! Feeling the wave of tremors, I held on, thinking we have to get out of the house, and quick. By my calculations, we only had mere minutes to get downstairs and away from the shaking building!

As I turned toward TLW, I noticed she was on her stomach. I figured she was probably knocked out from the shaking, so I would carry her down the stairs and out the building. I looked to the door to be sure the path was clear, but noticed I couldn’t see the door! Then I noticed the obstruction was right in front of my Italian nose, TLW’s legs were up in the air, and she was raising them up and down in unison, at an amazing rate!

With all the power in me, I jumped on both legs to hold them down and stop the movement. ALL the blankets were on her side!

The next morning, as I groggily awoke, I came downstairs to find her sitting, well rested and reading the morning paper. Dragging my tired self into the den, I asked her if she remembered what happened that night.

Me: “Do you remember anything from last night?” (See, I told you I asked her)

TLW: Looking quizzically; “No!”

Me: “Well you were exercising in bed! You were bending your legs up and down while on your stomach!”

TLW: “I did, he-he.”

Yes, and the he-he was me-me!