LENT

What are you giving up for Lent? That was the question asked of me every year. Well, I so enjoy giving up things I think I’ll give up giving up things for Lent.

I often wondered why people needed to know what I was giving up; I mean does anyone really care? I always felt like I had to give up something really big or significant so they would shut up.

Mom had a suggestion every Lent season: “now it is Lent, give up aggravating me.” Dad had his own answers: “Go ask your mother”. I never gave up anything for Lent, because it was too long a period to give up things. It was bad enough they were taking meat away from me on Fridays, but to give up candy or TV or something important like that was too much. I would get tired of the season and call it Length.

All too often a do-gooder would give up TV or a fun thing and tell me, looking Pius and all holy, trying to make me feel bad, and I would shrug it off and look at the person and think, “Good God!” Sometimes they would tell my mother how good they intended to be, and I would be compared to the holy one and think, maybe I’ll kill him.

Of course the Church would change things and what was bad was now not so bad, what was good was not so good, and what was required to get to Heaven, well, forget about it. Lent was no different, although they still have a stupid rule about giving up meat on Friday, you can eat meat on other Fridays and not got to Hell. In fact, I just got a notice that my reservation in Hell has been cancelled because of a lack of interest on the Church’s part and a change in the rules. It almost made me angry because I thought I had paid reservations!

So what am I giving up for Lent? Well if the Church chooses meat, I’ll choose taxes, or getting up at a decent hour. I mean, who says the Church gets to choose?