DelBloggolo: DR. STRANGEGLOVE RECOMMENDS

Friday, February 13, 2015

DR. STRANGEGLOVE RECOMMENDS

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any vaccine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

Went to the doctor for my quarterly checkup recently and Dr. Strangeglove was in a fine mood, dispensing with advice. It seems that the shingles virus is a real thing and he went into his pitch.

“Have you had the shingles vaccine yet?”

“No.” (Said rather disinterestedly)

“You know shingles is very painful.”

“So I heard.”

“You want the vaccine?”

“Sure, shoot.”

“No, I can’t give it to you, we don’t give it here.”

“Oh! Were do I get it?”

“At the pharmacy. I had it and it is very painful!”

“The vaccine is painful!?”

“No, the shingles virus is. I recommend you get it.”

“Ok.”

“Do you want a script? I really recommend you get it.”

“Get the script?”

“No, the shot, that’s what the script is for.”

“Ok, give me the script and I’ll go to the pharmacy for the vaccine.”

“I suggest you go as soon as possible, it is awfully painful.”

It is important to keep the lines of communication open with Dr. Strangeglove, he knows what’s best. So off I go to the Pharmacy, with my script, for the shingles vaccine. There is of course a long line of people ahead of me and the lady behind the counter is in a deep conversation with one of the people on line, who can’t just end it, she needs to continue to question the pharmacist about piddling things of no consequence. S L O W L Y, the line moves along, I’m next! Oh happy days, I’m next, I’ll give the pharmacist the script and be on my way!

The phone rings.

The pharmacist is now in a long conversation with someone, I stand there patiently, about to swear off in both English and Italian, with appropriate hand gestures to boot. This conversation continues. It continues some more then continues. The pharmacist hangs up. “I’ll be right with you” she says and disappears. I want to kill, anybody, and in particular the pharmacist, yes, just place my fingers in an interlocking position around her throat and hear her gurgle as she falls limp to the floor. FINALLY she returns, nonchalantly asking me how I’m doing.

Being a nice guy, I keep my hands to myself and her neck remains safe. She asks for my insurance card then tells me the shot is free. She has done a lot to save her neck.

“Do you want the shot in your left arm or your right arm?”

“Huh? I don’t care, either arm, why… is there a left handed needle and a right handed needle????”

“Go over there: pointing to a wall with chairs and have a seat, you will have to fill out a questionnaire.”

I sit for a while, answer the questionnaire and wait for the shot, which has to thaw first. Out she comes eventually, a whole red basket filled with medical stuff, she’s looking like Little Red Riding Hood.

Now when someone approaches you in a public place with a needle for you, you hope they say: “roll up your sleeve.” Whew, she did!

“Is this your first time giving a needle?”

“If I say ‘Yes’, would it scare you?”

“Oh! Now you’re needling me!”