GOD HELP ME!

Every time I try to do TLW (The Little Woman) a favor, something happens to me. Once on a Friday night after work, I decided to do TLW the favor of picking up her favorite dinner and saving her the trip of going out to get it. (I’m really a sweetheart!) I picked up the pizza, drove home and carried it to the front door of the house when I spilt everything! Just like me, a dumb ass.

Yesterday I decided to do one more for TLW and pick up a table we ordered that she was going to get herself. I thought about it and figured it might be too big and heavy for her to do, and have enough time on her lunch hour to do it, so I would do it.

I get to the store (BEST BUY) and go to the first salesman I can trick into helping me. He never suspected I needed help as I let him pass me first, and then sprung on him. I told him I was there to pick up a TV table for the new TV we bought from them the week before. He saw his opening and directed me to another area of the store for pickups. I go and this very attractive young lady behind the counter who must have been bored out of her mind asked me if she could help me. I explained the story again and she asked for papers, like it was Nazi Germany all over again. She took my papers (The sales slips) and proceeded to look confused. She stated that there was no mention on the papers of the table I was picking up. She took my phone number and entered it into her computer (I hope she doesn’t get any ideas, I’m a happily married man) (But if she does I can’t blame her) and said she saw where we did indeed purchase it. Calling the stock room in the back of this mammoth store of electronics, people and noise, she states that there is no one in the back to bring the order out! After some more mezzmerization of the sales receipt, she directs me to still another area of the store.

Off I trudge to the new area of confusion and a new sales gal, who happens to have a long pin stuck through two sections of her ear! Once again I present my case to the young lady and she takes my phone number (I’m getting a little suspicious) and yes, lo and behold (What the hell does that really mean?) she has a record. She starts to type and print out forms, forms for everyone, forms for no one, forms just in case and forms for the hell of it. She asks me to give her a moment, as she will get the table in the back. I don’t know, maybe I was longing for her, maybe I just missed seeing her, but ½ hour is an awful long moment to wait. I am nodding off, people who actually work there are starting to ask me if they can help me, Finally she appears and with a sheepish grin tells me that there was no one in the back that could help her for a while, but if I go to the front of the store, my table will be waiting for me. She gives me some of her forms and off I go. There at the entrance of the store stands the fellow who will keep all customers honest. He looks at my papers, and ask me if I have “any family in Shermany” I explain that he doesn’t have to get excited that the young lady gave me these papers that would expedite the release of my table, without causing an international incident. He states that the papers are not in order! He asks who gave me these papers, (I start to feel that maybe I will be sent to a concentration camp or worst still, made to order something else!)

The Chief of Gestapo calls the young lady to appear in his jurisdiction immediately, if not sooner, She appears and he points out her mistakes. (Der Fuehrer vill not be hoppy!) Back she goes to the Russian front to redo the papers. While she is gone a changing of the guard occurs, and a new request for the proper papers is made. Again I explain the situation, punctured ear lobe reappears and gives him the papers, he is pleased, with enough papers to make everyone including training a puppy, happy.

All this took me over an hour, just to pick up a table that was promised us!