The big South West Airline jet made a clean descent into Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport and taxied to the terminal, flying from our connecting city of Baltimore. It was still early, and the day was sunny as we trudged to the car rental to rent our Gold Cadillac with “Road side assistance” buttons on the rear-view mirror.
Piling our luggage into the trunk, in eager anticipation we set out to Sedona, Arizona. Sedona and Arizona rhyme, so we knew it would be a very poetic place.
In TLW’s (The Little Woman) carryall bag sat the GPS. Yes, that dreaded controversial instrument that TLW detests so much. After all, if anything or one is going to tell me where to go, she would, not some new fangled doodad!
As we prepared to depart the car rental, I asked her to get the GPS out so we could set it up. “Why do we need that? I have printed instructions here (waving a piece of paper in my face) that will get us there.” Defiantly and with great confidence, she began to give me instructions as she read. “Take I-17 N strait to Sedona, and later I will give you the exit number.”
As we come to the sign reading: I-17N, there is one that reads I-10E, both pointing in the same direction. I turn where she tells me and off we go. Overcome by the magnificent scenery, we ooh and aah, awed by the majesty of the distant mountains and long stretches of desert. Traveling along for almost an hour, we keep seeing signs that say I-10E, and we are both becoming suspicious of it all. Finally, I ask TLW to take out a map and see how far we are from a town that the road signs keep mentioning. “Uh, Oh,” she states, we are going in the wrong direction!” Now from Phoenix to Sedona is a two-hour drive. We are already one hour out of our way. We have to go back! Another hour. I pull over to the side of the road. “Why are you pulling over?” (To save our marriage) I state: let’s take out the GPS and just to double-check us. (Diplomatic and cowardly). TLW pulls out the GPS, sets it up and eyes it with a venomous look.
Turning around on I-10W, we begin the long journey into night. When I do things, sometimes without seeking perfection, perfection takes over. As we begin the trip in our Gold Cadillac with “Road side assistance” buttons on the rear-view mirror, it starts to get dark! Then it starts to rain. Then we meet up with a traffic jam. Perfect. Friggen perfect! And while I’m at it, why not stop to use a toilet?
Finally, we find Rt. I-17N and do take it. Triumph sets in, in our Gold Cadillac with “Road side assistance” buttons on the rear-view mirror, as we begin the long journey. At first the road is a four-lane traffic nightmare that leads to a single lane nightmare, where up and up we go, nosebleed in the making, we head into the mountains, in the dark and rainy night.
Big old 18-wheelers join in the parade up the dark and winding trail, no guardrails, no lights, and no nuttin! Behind me come the behemoth and menacing on the dark winding trail, the 18-wheelers begin to slow up as we climb the steep mountain. I slip around them and now we descend the mountain. Yes, I was on the top of the mountain. TLW is squirming, eyes closed, not listening to me admonish her for not looking at the magnificent view of the small towns way, way below in the dark.
Finally, at the bottom of the mountain stands a sign: “WELCOME TO SEDONA”, it is dark, we can’t see a damned thing and it is raining. Up ahead is a road construction route, turning and twisting in the dark, but I don’t care, I am in Sedona, the land around me is flat, and the GPS tells me I have arrived!
Tired of hearing it? Need to get away from this drivel? Hey, be nice. Write to: joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com, tell him: “Hey Yahoo, shut up and go climb a mountain.
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