NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I firmly resolve to make absolutely NO New Year Resolutions, and I’m sticking to it.

One of the things I will be doing this year will be trying to lose weight, so I can look like I belong with my new and skinny wife. The only thing is I won’t be sexy like her, just skinny. I will be posting the percentage of weight lose pounds on the 1st and 15th of every month, this is not to brag, but to keep the pressure on myself and start eating healthier and therefore living a week longer than I would have otherwise. You may think it takes guts to do, but no, I am just stupid.

Exercise will now be a part of my daily regime, and being cheap like I am, I will do this with the improvisation and imagination of what I have available to me, including stairs, sidewalks and any old lunches that I packed and never ate for the dumbbells weights.

#2 Son had his 19th birthday on the 29th, and it was a rousing success, he didn’t do anything dumb, but his dumb ass friend, the WANNABE Monk of Long Island, a guy with less brains than a gold fish, was busily flipping on and off the light switch in my dining room. I mean flipping it at a record pace for a 19-year old, as I got up from my chair in the den when I noticed the lights flickering. I thought that I was having some kind of power shortage, or the dining room was possessed. I go into the room, and there stands the patron saint of cellars, flipping away. Jerky thumbs stops as I ask him in front of a bunch of his friends what the hell he was doing. I asked him if he was an adult. He says: “no, I don’t think so.” I suggested that if he does it again, I was going to throw him out on his dumb ass.

Yesterday TLW (The Little Woman) as usual got up before me, and when I did get up and was marching to the shower. (I always march to Sousa) I looked downstairs and I see her with all the decoration boxes being refilled with Christmas stuff. We are cutting the holiday short, so I suggested that we leave the wreath on the front door for a while so the neighbors don’t think we are cranky old coots, just merry old coots.

Here is hoping that you and yours have a very healthy and prosperous, AND skinny New Year.