SOMETIMES YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME

Today I went to the radiologist to get radioized, or x-rayed. I walk into the building, go to the counter and there before me lays a clipboard with a 2-page questionnaire. Not even asking, I take the clipboard and fill it out, answering all the questions that pertain to me, including whether my Great Grandfather on my Mother’s side voted for Teddy Roosevelt. I mean, why is so much information needed? Isn’t it enough to know what I need, do I need to give so much detail?

Soon I am called into the inner sanctum of the radiology world and a young pregnant lady who had guided me back there takes me to a little closet like room and says: “take you pants off.” I think to myself: “Gee, I still got it!” She hands me a pair of paper trousers that make me look like Bozo the Clown on a bad day and says: “here, put this on.” Sadly and at the same time relieved, I think that maybe I don’t “still got it”.

Into a secluded room we go, me standing in front of a camera, her, behind this partition. Now like all women, she starts to boss me around. “Stand here and hold your breath.” I stand and hold my breath”. CLICK “OK, breathe” and I do as she says. Out she comes from behind her little computer and pushes me to my right 90 degrees. Off she goes to hide and shout order number 2: “hold your breath.” CLICK “breathe”.

180 degrees later: “Hold your breath,” CLICK “breathe.” After all these orders I starting to feel at home when she says: “stay there, I’ll be right back.” In comes her boss who looks at something in her little room behind the glass where she was yelling at me, and I think: “My God, what is wrong?” The two confer and she raises her hands and says to her boss: “We don’t do that” and runs off to the side. Now I’m getting interested in all this because I’m still standing there and they look concerned. She says to me; “ We have a problem, we couldn’t get the last shot. We need to re-boot the computer, this will take a while.” Lady, you guys have the problem, me, I’m going to sit in that chair there, and soak up some air –conditioning, and think about getting some tape and a pair of scissors to taper this pair of paper pants I’m wearing.

joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com