I pull up to the parking space in front of the doctor’s
office for my quarterly checkup, and found a spot under a maple tree. The
branches were low so it would be a perfect place to park on a hot day.
As I shut down the engine I noticed a pair of thick legs
sitting on the steps to the entrance and as I got out, they belonged to an
elderly lady. I approached the steps and wondered why she was sitting there
alone.
“They aren’t opened yet! The door is still locked!” she
complained.
I noticed she was a short lady with grey hair and glasses
and a bit stocky, but seemed very limber to me.
“They should give me a key! I’m gonna tell ’em to give me a
key! The Hampton Jitney leaves me off here at 8:55 am when I come for my visit.
I went next door and asked them if they could open up, I should have gone to my
podiatrist next door, I see them more than Dr. Strangeglove!”
I was about to offer her a seat in my car until they did
open within 10 minutes, but she went on.
 |
| PET BY DAY |
 |
| DINNER BY NIGHT! |
“I’ve been going to Dr. Starngeglove for over 15 years, I go
every three months!” Waving her hand she continued: Hey, the more doctors the
better, they can see me all they want! I’m 89 years old you know? My
cholesterol is a little high, but I’m a vegetarian, never eat meat!” Then
holding her palm down about waist high she said: “I got my old man to thank for
that when I was that high! He was my stepfather, he was mean. When I was a
little girl I went into the house for supper while looking for my cat, I said:
where’s the cat? You know what he said to me, I’ll never forget that, he said,
we’re eating it!” I pictured my cat and cried. You k now the brain is a
wonderful thing. I can remember when I was five years old, but I can’t remember
what I ate yesterday! They used to eat rabbit, you know, we grew up in the
depression, we were always hungry. You would get a piece of stale bread and dip
it in the olive oil we were so hungry. I used to go with my mother in Manhattan
where we lived in the city, she would go to the market and buy a chicken. They
would cut the chickens head off, turn it upside down and drain the blood, then
stick it into water and start to feather it. You look at the chicken’s head and
I never eat meat again. On the roof they used to raise pigeons, when we were
really hungry, my father would go on the roof and get a pigeon, ring its neck
and we had to eat it. You won’t find me eating meat. How could you eat
something you pet? Oh, no, now I make other things. I cook with vegetables,
you’d be surprised what you can eat with vegetables. They even got vegetable
hamburgers, taste just like the real thing, you wouldn’t know the difference!”
I wondered how she could tell since she never ate meat, but
decided I didn’t need to die at the hands of an 89 year old lady.
Finally they opened the doors and as we entered she advised
the gall who opened the door that she had been waiting for over a half hour,
but luckily “This nice gentleman kept me company!”
We sat in the waiting room and chatted some more and she was
called first, and a few moments later so was I. As I go into the inner
examining room the nurse weights me and tells me to give her a urine sample,
and as I turn to go into the toilet, who comes out but my new old girlfriend.
Pointing at the nurse, she starts in: “You should fix this
door knob! It’s loose, you need a screw or a new screw, it’s loose!
When I’m her age, if I live that long, I hope to be as
outspoken and deliciously informative as she is.
No comments:
Post a Comment