I’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I PAY FOR IT!

I checked the car for tire inflation, toll tag, gas, GPS and adjusted the mirrors and seat since I was using TLW (The Little Woman)’s car to drive #2 Son up to Purchase NY, or more precisely, White Plains to get an apartment for school this coming semester.

I almost jumped off this!

One thing I like to do is be ready, never hold anyone up on my account. We hit the highway and drove to the Cross Island Parkway, and indeed we did. We parked before we got to the Throgs Neck Bridge in the middle lane, so I decided to bypass it and go on to the Whitestone Bridge and onto the Hutchinson River Parkway to exit 26-W, which would take me to where I needed to go.

Not only was the Cross Island jammed, but the WhitestoneBridge as well and once I cleared the bottle neck, I raced to the EZ-Pass toll booth, being about #4 in line. Suddenly the line is delayed! %#$@*^$, someone was having trouble with their tag and holding everybody up! Damn, why don’t people pay attention to their tags, now I have to maneuver over to the next tollbooth! I manage and the car in front of me moves on.

My turn to pass through the tollbooth, I stop in front of the gate and nothing happens! I look over to the lane I just came from and the lady that had problems is still there! I think: “OH GOD, NOOOOO! I take the tag and move it about and still, nothing! I try again and know what is coming next, sure enough here comes the traffic lady, scanner in hand and book in her hand.

I give her the tag, resigned to the fact that I am dead. Sure enough, I’m dead and she says: “$6.50, please, as uninterested as she could be, like a cheap French hooker. (I read descriptions of one) Park to your left as she takes my $20 bill and goes to get me change. Meanwhile, TLW tries to call me on her cell phone and is told she has run out of money on it! She has to use a new credit card and re-establish her account.

There is a lesson in all this, actually two.

1)   Always check your expiration date on your credit card, and

2)   If your kids wants to go somewhere through the bridges and tunnels, tell them to get their own damn ride.