BEATING AROUND THE BUSH WITH A GPS

Last Friday morning, we packed ourselves off for a visit with TLW’s (The Little Woman’s) Brother Kevin and his wife Sara at their Cape May retreat. We packed two important items for the trip, one was the “Easy Pass” contraption and the other was our navigational system, the GPS.

As you know by now, TLW and GPS just don’t get along at all. It started when the GPS gave us estimated miles, which TLW felt would lead us to the Lincoln Tunnel and the noonday traffic of midtown Manhattan, which we like to avoid. Being a man of some sense, I figured I ‘d keep some peace and avoid any arguing between woman and machine and listened this time to TLW.

We decided to take the Throg’s Neck Bridge by the recalculation of the GPS and did just fine until we got into Her brother’s neighborhood, and TLW made me follow Sara’s written instructions that defied the GPS by only one turn. It didn’t really make a difference, but I think I have to start separating TLW and the GPS for some peace and quiet on long trips.

On the way home, I decided that I would give the GPS its full turn and follow its instructions to the letter. Big mistake! It leads me to the George Washington Bridge and a huge traffic tie-up. The revenge of the GPS was in full swing.

To make matters worse, TLW says that all her friends keep the GPS in the glove compartment, and don’t take it out when it is needed, it is read automatically, and since our GPS is not attached because I use it in my car too, she decided to test the theory just as we approach the toll off the bridge. Mind you, there are fifty million cars lined up behind me, and I can’t go anywhere but through the gate. “Just for the hell of it” says TLW “let’s just put it down and see”.

THE GATE DOESN”T GO UP!

We are stuck in front of sixty million drivers who want to pass. I see the frustration in the driver behind me. Suddenly an urge to strangle has come over me. What can I do??? I decide that if maybe there is enough room behind me, I could backup a little and maybe, just maybe the gate would go up after we stick the GPS up once more.

Cringing and praying I back the car up looking in the rear view mirror at seventy million angry drivers. The gate shoots up!

I’m not a religious man, but come Saturday I’m finding a synagogue to pray in, then a Muslim temple and two churches on Sunday and give thanks.

I’m leaving the “Easy Pass”, GPS and TLW home.

Biting comments and nasty observations can be channeled through:
joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com