GO TO YOUR RESPECTIVE CORNERS…

And come out fighting.

It’s a Sunday morning, and two newspapers are delivered to our home. One is Newsday, which I tolerate, and the other is the Daily News, which I like for the sports section.

It is the start of the week, and the beginning of our jockeying into position for what we both want. TLW (The Little Woman) and I like ‘The Justice Story’ which appears every Sunday in the News, as we both like to read about murder that happened over 60 years ago. If someone is killed after the 60-year period, I’m not interested. We vie for the News, and TLW usually wins, because I let her. She opens it up, and reads the story, and like a peasant, I get the leftovers, or crumbs, or get to read it last.

There are other instances where I have to wait it out, like choosing a TV show. Automatically, at 7:30 PM, on weeknights, she takes control of the remote. Now in all fairness to her, she will ask if there is a ballgame I want to watch, if not, she puts on the channel guide. Sometimes she selects a program; sometimes she falls asleep with the channel guide moving along until I discover she is fast asleep. I stealthily move to her chair, gingerly remove her fingers from the remote and put on Mike Rowe’s “Dirty Jobs” or ‘How It’s Made’.

I like watching ballgames and the History Channel or old movies, she likes CSI, or Home Remodeling Shows, and we must insure ourselves a place in front of the TV, with our choice on, to prevail. Two grownups, almost acting like children. We once got into an argument about what would happen if we ever divorced.

TLW: “YOU get the children.”
ME: “NO! YOU get the children.”
TLW: “I said it first!”

Of course, it is all in fun, however when my parents did it, it left me sitting on the edge of my chair.

Compatibility is very important in marriage. All newly-weds: take note. Husbands: Get a survival kit. That is a week’s supply of frozen foods, a sleeping bag, and cold presses for the head. You may also want to learn how to say: “Yes, dear, I’m sorry, You never look fat in anything, and of course I’m happy to see your family.” Wives, just don’t gloat, we hate it when you gloat!

Please say a special prayer for DD, a sweet little girl who needs our prayers.