YOU DON’T SAY “AH” ANYMORE!

Today I go for my quarterly visit to the doctor. I go so that I stay healthy enough to survive another 3 months to be able to wait in his waiting rooms. I will probably read about the war effort, its cost and the cost of lives, in Time magazine, as it reports from the European or Pacific front.

Regis Philbin will be blasting away on the TV, the ‘girls’ behind the desk will be conversing with patients on the phone, and it will be loud enough for me to hear it.

A very attractive pill pusher will arrive, samples in hand for the doctor. She will probably get my undivided attention until she disappears behind the door. A Platter of food will arrive, and I will plot a way to ‘sample’ some of it, but it always finds a way to hide behind locked doors on me.

There will be a few patients, older than me, sitting and looking at me like I should go away, the doctor hasn’t seen them yet.

I will finally be called by one of his helpers who will be suffering from arthritis and can hardly walk. She will lead me to a room to leave my coat, then to the scale for weight-in and a good pee in the cup.

The toilet is about 2’ x 2’ and that includes a bowl and sink, and cups, cups, cups!

Another helper will enter the room; stick a thermometer in my mouth and say: when it goes off, placer it on the counter, Hon. I’ve been Hon to her for a number of years now, and nothing has ever come of it!

Finally after the season changes, the doctor will fly into the room and say: “How are you today?” I like that, it makes me feel the doctor is involved. After I tell him, although he hasn’t heard a word I said, will stick a cold disc in my chest and for more fun, in my back. After the ears are poked, he will then try his best to see if he can explode my arm by squeezing it until it burst. I’ll ask, “What was it?” And he’ll say he couldn’t tell, because my pressure was way up.

I’ll go into his office, where he will go on and on about the insurance industry, take a call, and write out the prescriptions necessary. If he doesn’t pronounce me dead and tell me to lie down, I’ll go pay the bill, and ask for more in three months. And so it goes.

Please remember DD, and all those that need our prayers.