There is a
conspiracy going on under my nose and it involves toilet paper. Yes, those
little rolled 2-ply white squares we all love so dearly is part of a plot to
make me nuts.
There is a
raging debate out there about how the roll should hang. Does it hang from the
front of the roll or (hmmm) behind? Now I know we all have an opinion on which
way to hang and in my family, someone is expressing that preference.
I am
usually the person in charge of providing the rolls and seeing that there is a
backup roll (hmmm) behind it. By all rights granted in the marriage license, I should
be able to determine if it is outer or (hmmm) behind. I don’t ask for much,
just that the toilet paper hangs right. I know it is right because while I read
a newspaper, I notice it more convenient to rip off one-handed with the
overhang.
But lately,
I go in and when I reach for the paper, IT IS BACKWARDS! I correct it, come
back the next time, it is wrong once again!
But it
doesn’t end there! No, there is more going on. I am also the one that usually
goes into the garage where we store the paper that is purchased in large
numbers and packaged and sold. So there should be a large package of rolls
there. I go into the garage recently and I don’t find any.
“Toots,
when you go to Costco get toilet paper, I just took the last two rolls!”
“Are you sure???
I thought I just did recently!”
“Amazing
how time flies when you are having fun!”
She gets up
and comes out with a new unopened package! She must have been hiding it and was
waiting for the opportunity, so she can have me declared insane, find a young
stud, and go discoing every Saturday night!
Mom had a
few things to say when she asked her kids to get something and they said there
was none. She would get it herself and announce: “None are so blind as they
that will not see” (Probably Corinthians), or her favorite: “IF IT WERE A SNAKE
IT WOULD HAVE BIT YA!” (Definitely Granma Mary)
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