THE HOOD...AGAIN

Don't ask!

They were hanging on about 11:30, but just barely. Watching Dick Clark and Brian Seacrest (or is that Seabiscuit?) on the tellie. Some were in a near catatonic state from watching Dick Clark, some were just talking, and there was one sicko with a wig on.

Bill my neighbor’s son (BNS): “Joe remember that wig from the labor Day party?”

“Wig! What wig???”

“Oh you know, the one you wore and I took a picture?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I also have a picture of you wearing balloons under your shirt.”

“Oh God!”

“Yeah, and there are even more of you doing funny stuff on the slide show!”

“Oh please God, take me now!”

“Yup, I think you were trying to act like Madonna”

 "No, those were balloons,NOT cones!"

Apparently my neighbor has a large archive of photos of me at different Hood events where I tried to disguise myself for obvious reasons. TLW (The Little Woman) had suggested that I do that since we go as a couple. This way if people remark about what a nut I am, she can agree with them without having to admit she married me.

A rather large slide show was in progress, and every so often I would appear in it, and when I did, I wondered why I didn’t stay home, or at least beg for mercy.

THE SKY IS FALLING!

It was earlier that morning, and TLW (The Little Woman) was on her game.

“Joe, can you do me a favor and go to the store for me?”

“Sure.”

“Joe-can you read this?” Handing me a long list of handwritten items for the grocery store. Reading out loud for her, I actually go through the list without running to the pharmacist to read it to me!

Off she goes to work and off I go to the store. Finding items for TLW in the store is like looking for needles in a haystack, good luck!

I start out and enter the early morning Stop and Shop and select the easy ones first. One at a time I am going through the items and starting to get very nervous. Perspiration is dripping from my forehead and my arm pits are starting to create friction. I am getting everything on the list and now my legs are growing weak!

People are looking at me and wondering what’s wrong, the store manager is circling me wondering what’s wrong. As for me, I am starting to think the ceiling is about to collapse, in fact I’m sure it will. I AM FINDING EVERYTHING! No substitutes, no ‘not sure’ items, nothing but what she asked for!

And so, for the first time in our married life, I got everything on a list with three items or more! Mom would be proud of me.

I bring the stuff home and TLW arrives later in the day.

“Did you get everything?”

“Yup!”

Everything?”

“Ditto yup!”

“Did you get me an 8 ounce container of sour cream or a 16 ounce, the container looks kind of different from what I usually use.”

My world was quickly shattering, my joy put asunder. “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” Whoever wrote that hadn’t met TLW yet. Immediately I refer to my hand written list.

‘YOU WROTE-8 ounce container!”

“Oh, I know, it IS my fault, I should have written 16 ounces.”

And there you have it, I manage to get it right and someone else screws it up for me!