I’M NOT A BIG FAN OF OLD

It seems to me that getting older is a little tiresome now. There’s the issue of getting up in the morning for instance. My eyes pop open and I think: why am I laying here? I could go back to sleep like I used to, but the days are winding down to a precious few, and I still have things I don’t want to do that need doing.

As I climb into the shower, the mind, or what’s left of it starts to kick in, as I review what I have targeted that needs to be done, or needs to be resolved. It is here, under the shower of a steady rain of warm water, ‘inspirational falls’ that my best ideas come.

Once I climb out of the shower, the whole day seems to fall apart!

I look into the mirror then decide not to look, the lights are too bright, and I can see that I am no longer 20, so I retreat to my bedroom where the light is not so good, that makes for a more perfect mirror at my age.

when I remembered                           Now I don't

I have decided long ago not to complicate my life, and once I get rid of a few petty annoyances, things will be fine. The car needs inspection, one of the tires is indicating it needs air, the house needs to be cleaned, and I have meetings, meetings and more meetings. There is a book I’m trying to edit and … well you know.

It seems that I can’t hold onto things like I used to. Two socks and one falls to the ground, so I bend over, and my body yells: “Whoa! Not so fast guy!”

I get my medication out in the morning, and the smallest of the pills jumps out and rolls away, might even fall to the floor, and I think of what it cost per pill, I wipe it off and hope I don’t die from it falling on the floor, (The house needs cleaning), I get mad at myself for being clumsy and trudge on, meanwhile my body yells: Whoa! Not so fast guy!”

Breakfast is now a chore. I hate to eat breakfast, but know I should. So I get out my favorite box of cereal, the one with all the gas in it, and try to chew of both sides of my mouth, no use wearing out all the teeth on one side when I can wear them out evenly.

I go off to a meeting, and have a GPS on the dashboard of my car, but it doesn’t help. I get to a house where I am suppose to meet someone, the GPS says: “Arriving at destination.” I get out of the car, but somehow I sense I’m at the wrong place, but continue to the front door. The house is enormous, not like the ones down the street. This place has an iron-gate, beautiful winding driveway, and the flowers are still growing in January. I take out my cell phone and call. Yup, wrong house. I typed in 44 instead of 24 for the address number!

In the meeting, we have a choice of sandwiches that were delivered from a deli: there is turkey, roast beef and Italian. Now is the time to be a good boy and have the turkey. Although I hate turkey, always did, and roast beef is ok when I have horseradish on it, I know either is better for me than the Italian sandwich. So I accidentally reach for the Italian, with the great salami and cheese, that will taste so good, hey, maybe next time I will concentrate more on my reaching technique. Besides, if God didn’t want me to eat one, would he have put it out? A truly loving God, amen.

I’m off to another meeting, and this time I know where it is, just need to know how to got there from where I am. No problem, I have a GPS! I drive and misread the map and go off in the wrong direction. How can I misread a map on a GPS? Well there was this turn see, and the arrow was pointing in a sideway direction, and I thought I was where I wasn’t, or I wasn’t where I thought I was, or something.

And so I finally get home, I forgot to lock the door!