EXCHANGING INFO

Lately I’ve been getting a rash of emails from the thieves in Africa, telling me I have been awarded $10Million US as they put it. This morning I had 4 such emails, all claiming to be different people all claiming to award me four different sums and the money is about to be transferred into my account.

Some of these losers say they are dying of brain cancer, and want to just give me the money, and they know it sounds too good to be true. But they address me as “Beloved” and I suggest that they hurry up and die. I know I shouldn’t do that but when someone is using sincerity and God as a ploy to separate me form my money, I kind of enjoy writing that back to them.

Sometimes I give them phony names such as Algonquin J. Calhoun with phony addresses and phone numbers to the NY State Penal system or the FBI. But I decided to change my routine and started to reply to these phonies by taking the reply addresses they ask me to respond to and giving it on a response to another phony email, so everyone gets solicited and annoyed if possible.

This goes along with the phone calls that come around suppertime, while I’m eating it. A sales person will call asking for me or TLW (The Little Woman) and you all know how annoying that is. I generally say ‘Just a minute” and place the receiver down until I hear the phone make it disconnected noise. TLW yells at me for doing that because they are all trying to make a living and I should not answer the phone.

Of course I should take TLW’s advice, but it runs against MY conventional wisdom that is: Make them suffer too! It wastes their time while they wasted mine, and I feel that I have retaliated in some small way.

Sometimes the calls come for TLW and the caller says: “Can I speak with Ellen, Please?”

“NO!”

There is a long pause, they ask when is a good time to call.

I answer this with a time I figure TLW isn’t home but I am, so I can continue to torture these people and waste more of their time.

Do you think I’m not being nice?