After 41 years of marriage, when things get boring we, TLW
(The Little Woman) and I do something to make it interesting again. We go on a
diet! (What did you think?)
Anyway, it starts with just one weekend of being bad, eating
too well and feeling it. The trouble starts with TLW.
“Oh! I’m full (pushing her plate away after a nice dinner)
we have to go on a diet.
“OK”
“We have been eating too well, we need to start watching
again.”
“OK”
“Right after our trip we are going on a diet.”
“Why not start now?”
“Now!”
“Sure, you know what it is like when we go on any sort of
vacation, we eat well, so, if we start now, we will not be in too bad of shape
after the vacation.”
TLW loves to diet: she has been dieting all our married
life. Getting me on board has never been a problem, and she usually doesn’t get
nuts if I break it once in a while. What would really make her nuts would be
for me to be on diet and her not. That would confuse her and come to think of
it: it would be confusing me too.
The other morning I went into the kitchen and who do I see
but TLW, she lives with me so we keep running into each other a lot. She is
pouring herself a cup of coffee from the coffee pot and I am getting my coffee
from the one-cup maker. I am also pouring cereal into a bowl for my breakfast.
In the refrigerator is a small container of Half and Half left over from a
dinner she wanted me to make so she bought it and the milk. I take both out and
pour some milk into her cup for her.
“Half and Half!?” A look of amusement crosses her lips.
“Well, yes-I use the Half and Half for the coffee or it will
go bad.”
There seemed to be stunned silence as I laid those words down
on her, and there was NO retort, response nor reaction.
But the battle lines now have been drawn. She is watching and
I know she is watching. I will now have to watch her. I know what would get her
off her diet if she makes me nuts, and that is simple. On a Saturday morning
when she is off, I’ll rise early and cook bacon. Bacon makes her do crazy
things, so my plan is simple. I will use it only if she makes me crazy, it will
be like the military plans for the invasion of Iran, made but don’t use unless
absolutely necessary.
You might wonder: What kind of a husband would implore such
methods? One that was using the Half and Half up before it went bad kind.
No comments:
Post a Comment