NEED HELP?

Partners in crime

In my professional career as a designer, I have been asked to do many things. Some of them impossible and some I did in my sleep. The things I did in my sleep were all important and I was paid for it, and the things impossible were the things that I usually did for free.

The other day the phone rang. It was TLW (The Little Woman).

“I want you to do me a favor.”

“What?”

“I need you to either write a letter or make an award.”

“What?”

“You know Karen from the Wanna-Be-Bank and Truss Co.? Her husband finally replaced a mailbox and she wants to have some fun with it, maybe a letter from the post office thanking him for changing the mailbox. Can you do that?”

“Well I guess so.”

These are jobs I have been getting for years, especially since they invented the computer. With a little imagination and a devotion to humor, you can do just about anything with a computer.  Playing tricks is probably one of my favorite things in the whole wide world.

Many years ago when I learned how to manipulate all the programs, I sent a letter to a co-worker who was born in the Philippines and just a nice guy. He was always a kidder himself and I decided to give him the business. His name was Nonni, and he was always parking in the same spot: the shortest distance to the door. He would leave at mid-night just to get to work early enough to park there. That week I had gone bowling, and going home one Monday night from bowling one of my headlights went out on me and I got a ticket from the village police. I had to replace the light and the ticket would be forgiven somehow, so I took it to work the next morning and copied the ticket on a color copier and saved the ticket for use later on.

The day came and I designed a ticket on my computer at the office and it looked very real. The ticket was for parking to close to the ground, and I put it in Nonni’s windshield. Then I told everybody I knew in the surrounding departments what I did and that he was going to be told there was something on his windshield. You could see his car from one particular entryway into the side of the building and everyone gathered to watch.

Nonni comes out, takes the ‘Ticket’ off his windshield with a quizzical look on his face and read it. Suddenly he gets down on all fours and looks under his car, and gets up, scratching his head, and the place erupts in laughter.

Then there was the time I sent a letter from a bogus union to my best friend Phil. Phil was home alone when he got it, and the letter on ‘Union’ stationary listed back dues that amount to over $5,000! One of the items was his being ugly, and at the end, I put that he should send it to me. Knowing Phil, when he saw $5,000, he would probably never finish reading the whole letter, including where I charge him for being ugly.

He is so upset, he takes it to work and talks to his boss about it, who equally has a short attention span and never finishes the letter after the $5,000, and makes an inquiry about the bogus union. Finally after reading it enough times, Phil discovers who it came from.

I have learned since then that in the 41 years of being married to TLW, although she doesn’t know how to manipulate the programs and create the visual effects, she’s right there in deviousness in asking me to do her dirty tricks.