HELLO MA?

About a year ago I made the decision to get my 93 year-old mother a cell phone. This was done with the idea that she would have immediate access to a phone if her land-line went down for any reason.

The trouble is that she will not use it, uses every excuse not to use it, then pretends that she tried to use it and it didn’t work!

Recently my older sister Tessie called (much older) complaining that she tried to call Mom, and there was no answer. So Tess tried Mom’s new cell phone, still no answer. Could I go over to Mom’s house and straighten it out?

Off I go to Mom’s house. I ring the bell and after a half hour she arrives at the front door.

“Oh! Joseph! And what do I owe the honor of this visit???”

“Gee Mom, I fell so welcomed!” Leading me into the inner sanctum of Motherhood domain, I ask for her cell phone. There is no question, so she knows why I am here.

I try to turn it on and nothing happens.

“Mom, your phone doesn’t work! Where is the book that came with this?”

“Book? There is NO book!”

I look into her eyes and I can tell she is not telling me everything.

I plug in the recharger and wait for it to charge, meanwhile we talk about family members and finally the phone is charged.

“Now Ma, your message mail box needs to be set up. Where is the book that came with this phone?

“Book? There is NO book!”

“Now Ma, there was a book when I brought this phone for you, you must have put it somewhere.”

“Oh, no book, I swear there is no book.”

“Ma, in December when I got this phone for you, there was a book, I know because I needed it to set up the phone!”

“Joseph, there was no book. Would I lie to you?”

”Of course not Ma, but you may have misplaced the book, no?”

“See what you can do without the book.”

I work for about 15 minutes and figure it all out, including setting up the mailbox. I decide to call Tess my older sister (Much older) to try out the phone and see if she can call me back on Mom’s cell phone.

“Hey Tess, since you called me and are my older sister (much older) you should have the honor of the first call. I’ll give you Mom.”

“Hello, Theresa? This is me, your brother Joseph set me all up, but it couldn’t be that hard, we are all set. Call me to see if I ring.”

I stand in front of her and state: “Ma, for now on you will begetting calls on your cell phone so you learn to how to use it. I want you to use it to call out, also.”

“OK, now, I push this button here and I dial?”

“No Mom, you dial the number you want first and then push the green button.”

“Oh! OK, I push the green button…”

“No Ma, you dial first then push the green button!”

“Oh! Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

“Ma, I did.”

“Don’t get so smart, I can still crack a wooden spoon on your thick skull, you are not too big to get it.”

Dear Mom, I called her later in the day and she didn’t pick up her cell phone to answer. But she did pick up her land-line phone in the middle of the first ring!