MAKING THE BEST OF IT...

Or-Jose' can you be seen?

Every Sunday TLW (The Little Woman) takes me to church, just like Mom did, so many times. Like Mom, TLW hopes to convert me from my paganism to full fledge piety, which has yet to happen, but they try.

There is a priest from Nigeria, who for the life of me, I cannot understand, his accent is so strong, and my hearing is not good, All too often, in the past when he gave his sermon I would nod off, only to be rudely awakened by the piercing elbow of TLW.

My thinking is: If God wanted me to listen to the priest, he would let me. Try as I might, Sunday after Sunday, I would walk out of the church with a tension headache, from straining to understand him, and feeling guilty that I fell asleep. Then it occurred to me that it just isn’t my fault. I tried to sit behind a tall man so when the sermon was given, I could nap, not being seen because a tall man was in front of me. The bastard moved over one to let a lady sit next to him, so there went that plan.

Then one Sunday a stroke of genius overtook me! Just like the Holy Spirit hitting a dozen apostles in a room in the dark! Sunglasses! Sunglasses would hide my eyes, and as long as I could sit up straight while I slept, no one could see that my eyes were closed!

SUNDAY CAME, AND I WAS FLUSH WITH EXCITEMENT, THE BIG TEST WAS AT HAND!

Getting out of my car with TLW, I left my sunglasses on as we climbed the steps to God’s house, my sunglasses gracing my pretty face. (Hey, I heard that!) Being how I always walk with my head down from 40 years of marriage and looking for loose change or stray dollar bills, TLW didn’t detect a thing. She was too busy with talking to God to worry about me, or what I was up to.

Sure enough, Father Nigeria comes down the aisle, and I am ready for him. He gets up on his pulpit and starts in, and so I take action.

Being deaf is a blessing, but to be deaf and blind, in church, with a Nigerian accent upon your mortal being is a heaven sent gift.

I sat up straight, folded my arms, head positioned toward the pulpit, and slipped into sweet repose, 20 minutes of concentrated joy and peace, rest in peace it was, amen brother and sister.

I even fooled an almost higher authority than God, namely TLW!