EYE, EYE, EYE!

And so I went to my eye doctor. He was wearing a new suit!

I walk into the reception area and sign in. I sit and suddenly the receptionist calls me.

“Mr. Del Bloggolo? I need your medical card.”

Stepping forward, filled with confidence I take out my wallet, think I need to weed this down, maybe plant some money, and see an ‘Eye Med Vision Care Card’ and I hand it to her. She returns it and says: “This is an Eye Med Vision Care card! I need your insurance card.”

I dig deeper, wondering who’s phone number that is I see, and think, “Ah, she needs my Aetna card!” There you go Del Bloggolo, you’re on a roll! She takes it, makes a copy of it with a medical paper and returns it to me. I sit down. She calls me back.

“Mr. Del Bloggolo, this is your dental card!”

“Oops!” Dig we must, and finally, finally I find my Aetna card for the lady.

“Does this mean he won’t check my teeth?”

I get the card back and sit, they call me in and I follow this nice young lady into the exam room, she starts in by putting drops into my eyes.

She takes out this little chart on a piece of cardboard and asks me to read the last line.

I see the last line, and under that in the same size and font as the last line, is 20/20.

“20 20” I read.

She grabs the card from me and looks at it, confused then realized I’m playing with her. I get a laugh and she tries another line that I read. After her own search in my eyes, she ask me: “Do you know your A1c number?

Knowing full well that Dr. Guilt will want to know it and I don’t, I use my standard: “Yes, 6.3” I try to look honest, sincere and not feel the guilt that is welling up in me.

“Very good! VERY good!”

In strolls Dr. Guilt.

“Hmmm… I see your A1c number is 6.3! You should be proud, I’m proud you should be proud.

I try to look sincere looking at him, and fortunately his back is turned to me looking at my file.

We do some test and he informs me that although I’m fine, he sees potential for glaucoma and macular degeneration!

“I notice that your optic nerves are not the same! We need to make sure that there areno problems. I think you are fine, but this test will determine that I am right or wrong, can you wait to take it, only about 10 minutes long?”

I say sure, and they set it up. I look at this green digitized star in my left eye as it is scanned, then the same thing with my right eye.

The assistant prints up the results and Dr. Guilt comes in.

I’m planning on naming my seeing -eye dog ‘Lucky’ or ‘Spot’.

“Well Mr. Del Bloggolo, looking at the chart, we look at this white spot on your left optic nerve and compare it to the one on your right optic nerve. They should match. What do you see?” I think: “Wait a minute, he’s the eye doctor and he’s asking me to see?”

I respond, “They don’t match!” A few more answers from me and I’ll be a full fledged eye doctor.

“Yes!” he says. “You are odd, but there is nothing wrong with you! Your optic nerves don’t mirror each other, so you are strange, but there is nothing wrong with you.”

Something I’ve been trying to tell TLW (The Little Woman) and all you readers!

And so I have to come back in 8 months, wear sunglasses in the sun and take multi-vitamins and eat green leafy  vegetables to combat macular degeneration.