THE GOOD AND THE BAD

I’ve had a conscience for over 40 years now, ever since I left that church in East Islip on my wedding day. Yes, TLW (The Little Woman) has made sure that I was up to date on all my religious responsibilities and kept the days holy.

Sometimes I think I married my mother, as TLW will make an announcement, followed by the look.

“It’s Lent!” (In other words: What are you doing to make yourself miserable?)

She observes Lent: all year long, making little half sandwiches with one piece of cheese and maybe a tiny bit of mustard or relish on some low fat bread made from sawdust for her lunch. I watch that and want to apologize for how I will make up for that!

We were talking about a pizza party we were planning the other night and she said: “OK, but its Lent, no pepperoni on the pizza!”

“NO pepperoni! How about half pepperoni and you don’t touch it? You know no one is twisting your arm to eat it!”

“Oh! Tell me about it, when I reach for a pepperoni piece, I get this look that asks ‘why are you doing that?’”

“That’s not true, it just seems so unholy, you reaching for pepperoni on your pizza, since you really don’t eat it and I order it for myself.”

To me Lent is just another rule that could be broken like eating meat on Friday. It is not a rule made by God, but by God, man will impose it. I remember those meatless Fridays fondly, that was when we ate pizza. Dad wasn’t religious, the only rules he tried to follow were those that were God made. I feel the same way: Don’t kill, don’t steal and don’t covet my neighbor’s wife, unless she has a chocolate cream pie with bananas on top. Now of course, we can eat meat on Friday. I don’t recall the heavens shaking my Earthly existence and some angel informing the Vatican that meatless Fridays are suspended. I remember when Mom had a bone to pick with one of us on Fridays: she made fish.

Mom had what her off spring called the “Point”, a look that suspended any smiling any of us were doing for a more focused, somber approach to her demands. It meant that she had the might and power of something far greater than the U.S. Government, even greater than God: she had a wooden spoon and was not afraid to use it!

So what am I giving up for lent?

Lent.