GETTING REAL

Someone once said that youth is wasted on the young. I’d like to take that a little further and say that old married couples are not young anymore.

You know how all you young ladies make yourselves presentable for a date, the makeup, the clothes, the jewelry, and you young guys with the cologne, the cool car, the dinner reservation, did you ever think what you’d look like in 40 years? What will you tolerate now that you wouldn’t tolerate then?

After 40 years of marriage, we settle into things we don’t care about. It is about getting old. You would wear the weirdest things in public today that you would NEVER wear 40 years ago.

40 years ago looking cool and sexy was important, today you want to feel. Feel comfortable, feel warm, feel at home. The only impression you want to make after 40 years is that he/she is listening to you. Who cares if your socks don’t match, if you keep your teeth out overnight, or if you belch, squelch or fart through your day?

Going out in public with sandals and black sox, who cares? Pulling open the car door  for her, open the car door or any door for that matter, remember that? Making sure he was comfortable, had what he needed, remember that? Then you discovered: Gee, she’s like her father, he’s been spoiled by his mother!

That polka dot shirt is your favorite? And the striped pants are so you? So what if your ensemble is stripes and dots? WHO CARES, you’re old.

Farting is no longer an issue, just let it ride, relief is the key. Remember that commercial: “How do YOU spell relief?” Today you spell it F.A.R.T!

Remember how embarrassed we were if we heard our parents speak out loud in public when we were kids over 40 years ago? Does anyone remember why now?

Holding the door open for the little woman was routine, now it is if she is carrying in the pizza and beer for dinner.

Discretion was the better part of valor. When she/he left the toilet, we just waited it out before we dared to go in, now we announce: “What the hell!”

Remember before you married how demure she was? Now she tells you when to get off, where to go and how to do it. Remember the gentleman you once were; now you tell her she reminds you of her mother.

Remember the lingerie, the sexy clothes, the sweet nothings in your ear? So do I.

I know a few engaged couples. To you guys I say: you are never fully engaged until she complains that you snore, she hogs all the blankets, and you both cut the cheese.

Then the kids came, you remember, those sleepless nights that still haunt you? Remember how you argued how cute the kid was, how he took after you, now, 18 or so years later he takes after your spouse for sure, you were NEVER like that!