BUONGIORNO SIGNORES AND SEIGNORAS!

Everyone has heard of the Sistine Chapel, because of the marvels of the work of Michelangelo Buonarroti Simoni, and the ceiling he painted there. But did you ever wonder who did the floors?

Well, due to a recent discovery by the Vatican of old manuscripts that date back to around 1512, we now know! What is so amazing about this discovery is that the man who did the floors was none-other than one of my great ancestors. Yes, that’s right. His name was Michaelantonio Del Broccolo, and he along with his son Giuseppe, laid the whole floor one weekend in July, when the kid had off from school.

The documents found were translated from Alto Italiana to English by a group of Monks. The head Monk, Fra Ilmonacotesta, the Monk Key, was at first reluctant to release them, but then relented when he was threatened with no pasta e fagioli. In it they found a transcript of the conversation between Pope Julius and Michelantonio Del Broccolo that was transcribe by the Vatican secretary who was present, and who later paid the bill. I goes something like this: Il Popa: “Buon Giorno Seignore Della Broccolo!” Michaelantonio: “No your Holy-nessa, that’sa DEL Broccolo, butta my friendser calla me Tony” Il Popa: “Oops, sorry. Listener Signore Tony, I’ma caller a you here to discussa the Cappella Sistina, I’ma needa some a worka done onna the floors. Asa you know, we juster fin-nisher the ceilings, anda I thinker that it be a gooder idea to doer the floorza too.” Michaelantonio: “Wella, the ceiling looksa beautiful. Who’sa the artista?” Il Popa: “Hoh, soma guy froma Caprese, outsidea of a Fiorenze. You knowa hima-hisa name is Michelangelo Buonarroti Simoni. Ehhh!-it tooka him a so long, I tella him “Eh-a when a you gonna fin-nisher hup? I gotta mid-a-nighter mass ina few monthsa, urry uppa.” Michaelantonio: “Ah-Michelangelo! I’ma knowa him from a scuola superiore, he’s a ona my soccer team. Hee hee, we usza to calla him Moses, he stilla hasza that beard? Wella, no worry a Sante Popa, I’ma done by a Monday at the latest. Bada binga, I’ma doner ina no time” 3-Days Later: Il Popa: “Tony, Tony, Tony! I’ma so a ‘appy you doer sucha nizer job, I wanna cry. Tella you what-letsa have a some pizza, we discussa the price anda my planzsa to open la cappella to tourism, juster to see a the floors, si?” Michelangelo: “Si, itsa shamea they gotta walka on it!”