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I recently got e-mail from a niece of mine, Jean-Marie. (See Sunday, October 28, 2007) It wasn’t a very happy kind of email for me; because she wrote she got word that, her first child “Sammy” was officially tagged as Autistic! She was sounding from her words, resolved to do what she could for her child, that no matter what, Sammy would still be loved and cared for.

I know my niece and her family well enough that they will deal with this situation intelligently, and with a strong commitment to Sammy. I know the rest of the family will also, on both sides of Jean-Marie’s household.

Sammy is a sweet little guy, who I got to meet when I went up to Connecticut back in October of ’07. He and I sat on his kitchen floor, and he took out all his Match Box cars, and lined them up for me to play with. Sammy has the soul of a saint, the will of a tiger and the luck to have a wonderful, loving set of parents, and grandparents.

When I left that day for home, I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with Sammy. He seemed pleasant enough, and although quiet, he seemed to be sociable with me. But still the question nagged me. I spoke with TLW (The Little Woman), and she too, with her experience with children of special needs, sensed the same thing.

Now we know the truth, and it is unpleasant in the beginning, but sometimes these things can bear fruit. When Jean-Marie wrote to me, I suggested that life was not over, but just beginning! I know from my own experiences, that my daughter Ellen has given me an education in what “Human Triumph” really means. To witness and be a part of the joy of a human being conquering “handicaps” which can turn into strengths. You learn quickly that what matters is only what makes us happy, and those around us happy also. Pettiness has no place in this world, that all of us have inner goodness.

The biggest shame in life is the shame of assumption. It includes many things. One of the things it includes is that we all exist, but separately. We go through our lives and never look inside someone and appreciate them enough. We are all a great gift to each other, and when we die, it is too late. I think that we need to look inside someone when he or she is alive, and say: “Thank You!” for who you are. I know I’m sounding like Mr. Rodgers here, but it is true.

Dear Jean-Marie,
You will quickly learn that our Sammy will give you a treasure trove of memories. They start out innocently enough, and soon will have you; laughing, crying, scratching your head and pulling your hair out! They will be teaching you to deal with life in a more sober manner. You will share those moments first with Keith your husband, then with your family and friends. As your children grow, they will make you proud, not for their achievements in schools and organizations, but for their special skills. Those skills will grow out of love for their brother Sammy. They will grow to be more humane, tolerant and loving. I know I live it everyday with my sons.

So remember this: Life hasn’t cheated you, only Sammy. But Sammy with his disability: will teach us all. He will enrich the world, and that enrichment will bare fruit in its own way.

Love, Uncle Joe

Every now and then, I read something that I would recommend. I usually don’t like recommending books or articles because taste is subjective when reading is involved. The name of the book is called: ‘That Went Well’. It is written about the adventures of a woman caring for her special needs sister. The author, Terrell Harris Dougan writes about her life, and that of her sister with humor and honesty. The book is a bridge for those that don’t know, by one who does. It gives you an insight about life with the special needs of some of us on this planet

Please remember all those like DD, that need our prayers.