CRANKY FEMALES

It was this past Christmas morning, and TLW (The Little Woman) had just handed me a gift-wrapped box with excitement, as the family exchanged gifts. I wondered what it could be, as I eyed and weighted the box in my hand. Carelessly I opened the wrapping, and underneath was a brand new Garman GPS!

Owning a GPS already, I knew that this one would be better! I would have more features, and one of them would be a non-glare screen. My old one was almost useless on sunny days as the glare picked up the reflection of the dashboard in a high intensity glare, rendering everything impossible to see.

Out we went into the car later that morning, to install the electronic marvel. We watched as “Acquiring maps” was read on the non-glare screen. Oh, happy days! I would be able to drive around the world without squinting! Slowly I backed out of the driveway and we were on our way,

TLW: “I don’t like her voice.”

Me: “Huh?”

TLW: “Her voice, she’s too New Yorkish.”

Me: “What?”

TLW: “It’s too clipped, too bossy. Beside, I should be the only woman to tell you where to go.”

Me: “Well, I LIKE IT! Besides, it seems to me she knows where she is going.”

TLW: “Doug in my office says there are other voices.”

Me: “Well you tell Doug to listen to his voices, and I’ll listen to mine.”

My last statement was not so outlandish as it might sound. Doug is a married man like I am. It is natural after a while for married men to hear voices. Long before the GPS was invented, married men have been hearing voices. It started with Adam and has carried right down to my nephews Marc and David who just married this past year!

I thought to myself: “Here we go again!” TLW likes to pick fights with the GPS. She has an ongoing feud with my old GPS, and is now at odds with the new one. This is a hint as to why monogamy is so important to maintain. We once went into a Best Buy, and were passing through the GPS section. TLW suddenly stopped and said: “Can you feel the hostility in here?”

Please remember Joan and DD, and all those that need our hopes and prayers. And a special ‘Get well quick’ to my little pal Peter with an infection in his ankle. The only infections you should have is in your smile.