MAN EATING AUNTS!

My Mom has two younger sisters, one is deceased and one is about 87 years old. I love them both, and when the older of the two passed on about 20 years or so ago, I felt very sad. She loved children and always made a fuss about me.

The problem with both these ladies was they loved to torture me!

The oldest, Aunt Tessie, was always very vocal and demonstrative when she saw me. I would dread going into her house as a little kid, she would always instead of just kissing me hello, bite my cheeks. I would cringe at the thought that she was going to do it, and sure enough, she did. She also had nicknames for her son and I. He was a few years older, but has the same name as I do. “Big Joe” and “Little Joe”. Another name was “Joe Joe,” I was “Little Joe Joe” and of course there was “Big Joe Joe.”

In the summer time, I would leave Brooklyn for the country air of Patchogue, Long Island, to romp with my cousins, and who’s house would I stay at but Aunt Tessie. Fortunately, she went on a cheek diet when I went out there for the two weeks. My cheeks couldn’t take all that munching!

My other aunt, Aunt Marie (Who’s real name was Marietta) lived near by. Her form of torture was to greet me when she came into my apartment by checking behind my ears. She would actually do this every time I saw her! “Did you wash behind the ears this morning?” She would look and go “Tsk, Tsk, Tsk”, and for extra measure “Tsk”! Then she would get my Mother to walk many, many miles, like the famous Bataan Death March, hauling my Mother down to Broadway to shop, or off to Pitkin Avenue to barter with the Jewish Merchants over anything. When I saw her, I knew my legs were in for a work out. When you are only 5 years old, your legs are too shot for long strolls! After spending a day with her, my ears hurt and my legs ached.

Then one day I found out that her real name is Marietta. This is after she stopped checking my ears, which was about tens years after I got married. So I would send her Christmas Cards addressed to: “Aunt Marietta”, which would make her nuts! I just recently sent her a copy of a speech I made and some photos of the kids. I attached a little hand written note that said: “Dear Aunt Marietta, The reason I use Marietta instead of Marie is that anyone can have an Aunt named Marie, but how many of us can have one named Marietta?”

This past Christmas, I sent her a card to her home in Boca Raton, Florida. On the envelope was a little note to the postman: “Dear Mr. Postman, Please don’t get too close to Aunt Marietta, or she will check behind your ears, and make you wash them!” I called her soon after and she said; “Wait till I get my hands on you! My postman is a grouch, wouldn’t say “Hi” to his own Mother!”

I got my revenge!

Please remember all those you know and love, in your prayers, like DD that need them