IS THIS WINTER OR WHAT?

This morning, TLW (The Little Woman) and me were in my car heading to a diner for breakfast. (Should it be called a breakfaster for breakfast and a luncheoner for lunch?)
She commented that this winter seems very depressing, and colder than others. I commented that “yes” it seems that way with the constant grayness of the days, and coupled with the cold. But then I realized that it is always that way at this time of year.

This is the time of year where we fight for the blankets. TLW has developed a spin motion that allows her to reel in the blanket while I spin out of bed. The other night she pulled a fast one! She gently (I should have known) awakened me to tell me the dog needed to go out. I got out of bed and went looking for the dog in my bedroom, and there lay my dog, fast asleep! I go back to the bed, but all I find is sheets! Under a huge pile of warmth lay TLW! I kept hearing in my brain a echoing of the word: “Sucker!”

I was literally left out in the cold! The sheets are cold when you expose them to night air for more than a minute. This was from the woman I promised to love, honor and cherish, until dead do us part. The way I figure it, she is trying to relieve me of that responsibility in a hurry!

I asked her how come she gets so mean in bed, and she stated that she always shared her bed with her older sister. That meant that you needed to be ready to fight for your rights! Unfortunately, I never got basic training like that. No, I was thrown into marriage without the proper set of tools to survive a feisty wife! If you don’t have the tool set to survive, you freeze to death, very simple, and very truthful.

Watching TLW all winter is like watching a cherry ripen, as her nose gets redder by each passing day, up until April 15th! Then it slowly returns to normal. Her feet are perpetually cold and I have asked the Geneva Convention and the UN Human Rights Commission to ban them as lethal weapons!

TLW has one strict rule that I abide by: “No one lives until she is warm!” This is posted in my bedroom, on the ceiling, over my side of the bed. It is also looped on a recording that she plays all night long for me.

Watching the calendar is no help, either. To TLW, there is no calendar! The comforter stays on the bed from August 15th to August 1st. That is correct. It takes that long for TLW to get comfortable. She senses when the days are starting to cool off, around August 15th. There is two weeks where she cleans the comforter, stitches it from the pitch battles she has waged, On August 1st to the 14th. Then back it goes for another 50 weeks.

Then there is the process of watching TV. Did I say watching? Under her blankets, on her chair lies a body. I know it is TLW, by the shiny red nose that pops up every now and then for air from the blankets! If I may quote TLW: “It’s cold!”

Please remember DD, and all those that need our prayers.