LET US PRAY

The funeral parlor was somewhat quiet, only a hand full of people standing around. Yours truly drifted over to a table that had pictures of the deceased, and curious to look at a little history, picked up a handful of pictures and started to look at them. Along with the loose photos was a few picture frames with old photos that looked very interesting that were lying against a wooden prop.

Not being able to hear too well anything behind me, I didn’t realize that there was a gathering of family and friends being led by a priest to begin praying for the deceased. Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder, and one of the prayers was telling me we were going to say a pray now. I turned around in horror as I realized that a Priest was standing at the coffin, with the people all in seats, waiting for me.

Nervously I started to put the picture frame down, and when I did, knocked down all the standing photos on the table, and as I did murmured: “Oh God!” When I said that, I thought that maybe I should continue and lead the prayer. Luckily I didn’t.

The Priest, an elderly man looked at me and said: “That’s OK.”

It wasn’t OK, I suddenly felt very self-conscious, and while others bowed their heads in prayer, I held my head down in shame, all the while on the corner of my eye was the mess I left at the table. If you know Larry David, this was his moment.

After the prayer, I scurried back to the table to rearrange all the photos, and as I did, the deceased daughter, rearranged my arrangement.

I think I could have gone over to the coffin, and asked if there was any room for me.

Before You Meet With God

A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"

"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"

"About two minutes ago," came the reply.