Friday, December 10, 2010

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!


I recently mentioned the Bluray we purchased, and my expectations of trouble, and yes, there was trouble, but it wasn’t so predictable. (See Dec. 5 blogue)

After having the contraption out of the box for a few days, I became weary of looking at it, and decided to do something to get rid of it. I had two options: 1) throw it out or B) connect it. My inclination was to throw it out and take a nap, using the time it would take if I did connect it.

Better judgment lost out so I put it together.

I hate when that happens!

The connections were simple, and any moron could connect it, so I did.

Red wire went to red hole, yellow wire into yellow hole, then white wire into white hole. I know it gets technical, but try to keep up.

I turn on the remote, one of 5,000 I now own, and stick in a DVD, and it plays!

Success! Success! Oh! Lucky day! Success!

Not so fast sucker.

TLW, (The Little Woman) reminds me that it isn’t the playing we want, it is the downloading off the Internet of Netflix movies she wants.

Suddenly I could see my whole world crumble before me. Sadness now was on the horizon: hair-hurting instructions with nail biting moments awaited me.

Gently sobbing I went to the instructions. Cracking open the booklet, I start reading, and suddenly Mr. Campbell, or should I say Senor Campbell, my Spanish teacher in high school came to mind. The instruction booklet is in Spanish, or: “Espanol” as they say. I turn it over and upside down and it comes out in English. Good old Mr. Frederico, my English teacher would be proud I could still read English!

Then came all my problems, and they start with TLW, (The Little Woman), as I began my quest to either connect with the Internet of lose my sanity as if I hadn’t already.

With the TV on along with the Bluray, the screen starts me on the journey.

“Locate your router, boot it then press ‘start,’” it says.

What? My router is up in my office! I have to go up a few flights of steps to locate my router to boot it. I don’t want to.

TV: “Oh, but you have to.”

I drag my feet but do it anyway.

I yell out, “OK TOOTS, START!” I boot, and then realize I may have done that backwards!

I go down stairs and sure enough, it isn’t working.

Since we have a wireless router, I discover I need a specific receptor to attach to the Bluray to pick up the router signal. I’m sure you’re familiar with the thing I am talking about. You know it, because you never saw it before, have no idea what it really does, and it WILL be hard to find.

Off to Radio Shack we go, and the young lady geek says, “We don’t carry that. Sony makes it: you HAVE to go on the Internet to purchase it.

I think: we purchased the TV AND the Bluray at Best Buy, so why not give it a try.

Off to Best Buy we go, search in the Computer department, not finding it. Rejected we decide to look near the Bluray displays, and sure enough, we find one!

We race home, visions of Netflix downloads, dancing in our screen.

I attach it and reboot the router, this time correctly. Nothing! Nil. Zilch, Nada. (There’s that Mr. Campbell again!)

Why, because the fun has yet to begin! The TV asks me for my WPA key!

What the hell IS a WPA Key???

I try all my passwords and make some up, but nothing works. Desperate times call for desparate measures! I call my friendly geek at Apple. We spend a half hour discussing my problem.

Me: “And by the way, what is a WPA Key?”

Geek: “Just your password.”

I wonder if these guys have a high suicide rate?

We reset the router.

Back down I go. TLW: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Don’t worry.”

“What if it is wrong?”

Me: “Don’t worry.”

“What does THAT mean?”

Me: “Don’t worry.”

Finally we try all the current expressions the bluray is offering but the one I’m sure is not it.

“Well Joe, I think you should give up, and try tomorrow!”

My tongue, with bite marks on it responds, “OK”.
Off to the kitchen TLW goes, and you know, I’m feeling really silly now, so why not try the one expression that I’m SURE is not it.

TV: “CONGRATULATIONS! YOU NOW ABLE TO SEARCH THE INTERNET!”

God! I hate it!

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