WHAT DO I KNOW?

TLW (The Little Woman) and I have this thing about the remote. I hate it, and she hates my having it. It seems that I don’t know how to work it well enough for her, and she likes to tell me what to do. With or without the remote!

The other night we were watching a few saved shows on the Cable’s DVD and I inadvertently hit the wrong button! This is a cause for major concern as TLW decided I don’t know what I’m doing. Short of calling the remote TV police, she decided to tell me what buttons to push. This usually amuses me and I play along with it.

“TLW: “Now push the square button.”

I push a button that is NOT the square button.

TLW: “NOOOOO, the square button.”

“Ooops, OK”

TLW: “Now push the select button.”

“Ooops, OK”

TLW: “NOW PRESS THE DOWN ARROW.”

“Ooops, ok.”

TLW: “God! I don’t know what is wrong with this man?”

What’s wrong is I take too many orders. What TLW should do is just take the remote, fall asleep changing the channels and then I can put on a basketball game!

However, when it comes to the computer, I am a genius to her. I usually settle in my chair in the early AM, pull out the newspaper and get very, VERY comfortable, while she is up in my office on the computer.

Now if my dumb ass dog doesn’t bother me to go out, then I hear: “JOOOOOOOE!”

“WHAT” (Like I don’t know what.)

“WILL YOU COME UP HERE FOR A MOMENT?”

As I pass the TV, I think, “From a bum to a hero, just like that!”

When I cook, TLW goes on patrol. She is a captain in the Olive Oil police, and will pull me over for any slight overspill of olive oil.

TLW: “Do we need all that oil?”

“What oil?”

TLW: “All the oil you are putting in the salad?”

“I am! I haven’t put it in yet!”

The woman lives in fear that I will get her fat, and then write a blogue about it!

I may be a dumb-ass on the remote and olive oil, but I got the power!