SHE”S GOT ME COVERED

We were on our way to the hospital to visit someone while driving on the Long Island Expressway. TLW (The Little Woman) fired the first salvo.

TLW: “I need to speak to you about something.”

Me: “Yes!?”

TLW: “The Wanna-Be-Bank and Truss Company is having a drive for winter coats.”

Somehow I just knew what was coming, or in this case going.



Me: “Yes.”

TLW: “Well I am buying a new coat for the drive, but they are also asking for a donation of a ‘Gently worn coat’.

Me: “What the hell is a gently worn coat?”

TLW: “Well, I was thinking of that yellow coat you have.”

Me: “WHAT? That coat is very warm, and cost me only $5.00!”

TLW: “Come on, you don’t wear it.”

Me:” Yes I do. I wear it when I shovel snow, and if I have a heart attack shoveling snow, I will be able to stick out as I lay face down in the white stuff. Richie across the street can call the emergency coroner in a moments notice. Once he sees me laying there in florescent yellow, he’ll know what to do!”



TLW: “Oh, you never wear that coat.”

Me: “But I do, I wear it all the time.”

TLW: “Well, don’t wear it with me around.”

Me:” Wadda you mean? It is two-tone reversible. That is only $2.50 per side! You can’t beat that! You are just jealous that I go out and buy something, it becomes a real bargain, and you have never saved that much on anything like I did.”

We arrive at home afterward, and TLW heads for the hall closet.

TLW: “OK, what have we here? You wear this coat? OHHH, look it has a pair of gloves in it! I bet you didn’t even know you had these gloves.”

Me: “Yes I did, they are in my winter coat, where else would I keep them?”

TLW: “What about this leather jacket, you hardly ever wear it. You have at least four leather jackets in here!”

Me: “Of course I wear them, and there are only three!” One is a soft leather when I want to give my rugged look with soft leather, and one is with the cheaper look, but still rugged. The long one is for dress occasions.”

TLW: “What about this raincoat? Do you EVER wear this?”

Me: “Of course, that I wear when it rains and I have to wear a suit in the spring and summer.”

She then takes out her purchased coat and it is a florescent blue!

Me: “What, and you criticize my stuff? And by the way, how come we only discuss my clothes? Come to think of it, you even dislike the lady in my GPS! What is it with my stuff?”

TLW: “Because MY clothes are in good taste.”