WHAT A TURKEY!

Thanksgiving Day was fast approaching, and I realized that I would be seeing my older sister (much older) Tessie. Tessie hates to be called Tessie, because her name is Theresa, so as a dutiful brother all my life, I call her Tessie.

Usually Tess, or Tessie, likes to pick me apart, something to do with my mother liking her better because her name is Theresa, and I was the only boy in the house when we were growing up. I had my own room and she had revenge in her heart.

So as the day was drawing closer, I wondered what could she possibly pick on, since I had woken up that morning in perfection. There was nothing wrong with me, so I figured I needed to give her something to criticize, and I needed it quick. If I didn’t she would be picking on her husband John.

As I looked into the mirror, seeing all the perfection, I decided what I would do is grow my beard back in, again.

The big day arrived and I approached my niece Laurie’s house for dinner. Who should be waiting at the door with her arms folded was Tessie, with a sardonic smile on her face, just waiting for me. I spite of wearing a few cloves of garlic around my neck (From the book: Warding off vampires, ghosts and witches), there stood Tess.

I gritted my teeth and knocked. The usual normal door suddenly took on a sinister sounding squeak as it slowly opened revealing the presence of what I could almost feel as evil and dreaded. It was Tessie!

Tessie: “Ewwww, you grew your beard back!”

The sound of her voice ran the usual chills down my spine, but I clutched the railing and held on.

Sticking out her lips about four feet, she puckered and I was obliged to pucker back. (Doctors have been treating me for pucker lip syndrome ever since!)

Tessie: “Why did you do that?” as she rubbed her palms in satisfaction, while talking through her pucker.

Me: “Hey, I’m working with you here, give me a break. If you are going to strike me down, please do it as quick as possible!”

Tessie: “NO! NEVER! For too many nights I had to sleep with the rest of the coven, YOU WILL PAY!”

Me: “OK, but remember, Mom liked you better. She wasn’t sure I was hers, thanks to your convincing her to doubt it.”

Tessie: “To think, I had the adoption papers all drawn up for a nice family in China to adopt you, but no, you had to learn to talk!”

Suddenly my brother-in-law John came running into the entryway, holding up a crucifix and ten cloves of garlic, quickly sprinkling me with holy water, while Tessie disappeared into the shadows of the darkened rooms, a bone chilling laugh rattling throughout my being, but we had a very nice dinner.

The End